This week was the Democratic National Convention. This was a virtual event as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. The Democratic Party formally nominated Joe Biden and Kamala Harris as their President and Vice-President nominees for November’s election.
Yes, these jokes and puns are about Democrats. However, my Democrat readers should not worry about political bias because next week, I will poke fun at our Republican comrades next week.
1. A Democrat politician visited a remote little town in the Appalachians and asked the residents what the Democrat party could do for them.
“We have two big needs,” said the Mayor. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”
The Democrat whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while, and then said: “I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?”
“We have no cellphone reception at all here in these mountains.”
2. Wow, I’m shocked for the first time my grandpa voted Democrat! He never would have done that when he was alive!
3. Why is the Democrat nominee for President so old? Because he’s been biden his time.
4. What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? Nothing. There are some things a pig won’t do.
5. How do democrats keep their breath fresh? With Entitle-mints.
6. What’s the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline? You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
7. How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They only “talk” about change.
8. It looks like Joe Biden might win the democratic nomination. If he wins the presidency maybe Hunter can get a job closer to home.
9. What’s the definition of a Liberal running for Congress for the first time? A mouse trying to become a rat.
10. What is a Democratic Free Market? One that hands out slices of cheese.
11. The Democratic Caucus has released a new gum flavor. Orange n’ Peach Mint.
12. OVERHEARD: “My father was a Republican until the day he died. Then he became a Democrat.”
13. What do you call Al Gore’s drumming? An algorithm.
14. How do you confuse a Liberal? You don’t. They’re born that way.
15. Why did the Democrat have blisters on his lips? From trying to blow out light bulbs.
16. Why do so many Liberals live in L.A.? It’s the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.
17. In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans? Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people’s money.
18. A Democrat walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, “What’s your most popular drink?”
Bartender replies, “a Russian Collusion.” The Democrat responds “I’ll have one of those.”
The bartender then gives him an empty glass and says “enjoy.”
19. A Republican, a Democrat, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car when a tornado picks up the car and tosses them miles into the air.
“I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain,” says the Democrat.
“I’m going to ask him for a heart,” says the Republican.
Bill Clinton looks around and asks the two men, “Where do you think Dorothy is?”
