The writer H. Jackson Brown Jr. once said, “our character is what we do when we think no one is looking.” That statement rings true. Living a life of honor and integrity when eyes are on you is to be expected.
Most people do that. However, what about when no one else is watching? Are you still an honest person? That is the true test of character when no one will know about your transgressions but you.
The Front Yard Analogy
For most people, their front yard looks better than their backyard. This could be true for any number of reasons. The most common reason is that your front yard is displayed for all your neighbors and visitors.
Thus, people tend to take better care of their front yards. They put in intricate landscaping, plant flowers, trim all the weeds, and mow the lawn religiously. It makes an impression on them.
Even so, what about the backyard?
This yard analogy is a metaphor for a person’s integrity and character. Doesn’t that deserve the same amount of care as the front yard? In a word, yes. As the homeowner, you’ll frequently look at your backyard. Thus, for your own sake, you should take good care of it.
Most people are honest and kind to others in public or social gatherings. They are polite and treat people with respect. However, there are times when we are alone, and no one will know the consequences of our decisions but ourselves.
It’s easy to be virtuous when there are social consequences for being unkind. This can be much more difficult in private situations.
For the same reason you should take good care of your backyard, you should act with honor and integrity when no one is watching, especially when there will be no social reward for doing so.
In this article, we’ll cover why it’s essential to live an honorable life all the time and how you can instill those values in your children or stepchildren.
Hallmarks of Integrity
Someone who has personal integrity has a strong moral code and good values. They go about their life according to those values through their words and actions. The key to this is having an unshakeable moral compass.
People with personal integrity still live by their values even when it is difficult or inconvenient. They stick to their values even when no one else is watching.
Integrity is an essential personal characteristic because it can lead to greater fulfillment and draw more people to you. People like to be friends with those that are honest and genuine with others.
Not everyone with personal integrity displays it the same way, but here are some of the hallmarks of a person with integrity. Someone with integrity:
- Has a set of personal values. Examples are kindness, authenticity, honesty, and reliability.
- Trustworthy and makes honesty a priority.
- Is accountable and admits when they were wrong.
- Reliable and consistently rewards your faith in them.
- Displays humility and can share credit and the spotlight.
- Helpful and generous, even to people who can’t give them anything in return.
- It Uplifts others in various ways.
- Values other people’s time.
- Leads by example.
- Believes in others and tries to see the best in them.
You may hold many of these values and try to be as honest and reliable as possible. However, being someone with integrity is only part of the equation when you’re trying to instill those same values in your children or stepchildren. Here’s how to teach your children to have integrity.
How to Teach Your Children Integrity
The first step to teaching your children the value of integrity is serving as a positive role model. Lead by example – be an honorable person of integrity so that when your children or stepchildren think of honesty and compassion, they think of you.
There are several specific ways to teach your children integrity. The ones listed below will focus on teenagers as that is one of the more challenging and essential stages of a child’s growth.
Discuss Values
It would help if you talked with your child about your values and why you hold them, regardless of age. This means talking about lying and why it is wrong or how it can hurt other people.
Ideally, you would explain this by coming from a place of love. You can tell your child that you care about them and want to help them, but you can’t if you don’t know what’s happening.
Try to Maintain Your Composure
If your teen does something you don’t approve of or you catch them in a lie, your first instinct might be to react with anger or hostility. However, someone with integrity treats others well, even when difficult.
If you need some time to cool off before you discuss the issue with your teen, tell them that and take a break. Try to refrain from lecturing them, as that may make them less comfortable discussing complex subjects in the future.
Apologize if You Over-Punish or Yell at Your Teen
Things can get contentious as teenagers grow up and want to assert their independence. Even parents with the best intentions may go overboard.
If or when that happens, you should apologize to your child if you raise your voice and/or discipline them too harshly. Part of having integrity is taking accountability and admitting when you’re wrong.
Don’t Prioritize Control
You eventually want your children to become independent. As a parent, you should encourage them to be independent while enforcing boundaries and limits.
Granting certain freedom shows that you trust your teenager, but enforcing rules demonstrates that they need to be held accountable if they falter.
It’s difficult for a child to establish their value systems if they aren’t allowed to go out into the world to have their own experiences. Thus, the best way to learn from their mistakes is to take responsibility and be held accountable for them. Try to show compassion and grace when mistakes inevitably happen.
Living an honorable life with integrity can be challenging. If it weren’t, everyone would do it all the time. Harder still is instilling your values into your children or stepchildren.
However, with some modeled behavior, dialogue, rule-setting, and accountability, you can teach your teenager how to become an honest, responsible adult with strong moral fiber. There are few things more rewarding than that. Here are some parenting tips for stepparents.
