After going through a divorce, it can be scary to marry for a second time. How do you know you won’t be hurt again? What can you do to make sure this second marriage will stand the test of time?
Unfortunately, there are no guarantees any marriage will last forever. However, there are steps you can take to keep your relationship strong and enjoy every minute of your second marriage.
Respect Your Partner
Let your spouse know each and every day you care about what is important to them. Ask them about their day at work. If they have a hobby, try to be involved in some way. Know what little things are significant to them. Try to avoid doing anything that would intentionally upset them. Always speak kindly about them and never criticize. One key to respect is communication.
Perhaps in your previous marriage, you had weak communication with your spouse. A lack of communication often creates miscommunications, which will lead to hurt feelings, disappointments and arguments. Strive to establish strong communication channels between you and your new spouse – allowing you to understand one another, eventually leading to a deep respect between the two of you.
Make Time for Each Other
It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle of daily life and forget to make time for your spouse. Quality time is important to make a relationship strong, and couples should try to set aside time every day for each other. Also, setting aside a date night every week is a great way to spend some good, quality alone time.
Attorney Mark A. Erickson noticed many couples get divorced because they can’t share any common interests and they don’t spend enough time together.
In your new marriage, you may need to sacrifice things you like in order to spend time with your spouse. Maybe you don’t like watching their favorite movie, playing tennis on Saturdays or even going to the grocery store. However, participating in these activities with your spouse will allow you to spend quality time together. It’s not just about the activities, it’s about the time.
Make Your Spouse’s Happiness Your Goal Everyday
To be a better wife or husband, it is a good idea to wake up every day with the thought of “how can I make my spouse’s day better today?” You don’t have to do anything extravagant, but writing your spouse a little note expressing how much you care or preparing a special meal is a wonderful way to show your partner how much you love them. We find selfishness is a common root cause behind divorce, so putting your partner first will foster feelings of love instead of creating differences because of selfishness.
Understand Your Spouse
Often, when people get married, they feel as though they can change things they may not like about their spouse after marriage. Realize your partner is who they are, and you should not try to change them.
Try to embrace your mate’s natural qualities, and always have patience for the things you might not always agree with. Think about things from their perspective, and make sure you know them on a deeply personal level so you can embrace your differences instead of becoming frustrated by them.
Take Some Space
While spending quality time with your spouse is important, you need to always make time for yourself and have a life of your own. Don’t intertwine your life so much into your partner’s you lose your sense of self. Have some experiences of your own, but always make sure your spouse is okay with your plans. Be cautious about how much time you spend apart, because too much time apart will create problems in a marriage. But giving each other space and alone time will make your time together much sweeter.
Learning the lessons from the mistakes of a first marriage can certainly help the success of the second marriage. You likely learned many lessons from being married and divorced once before, so make sure you consider these lessons as well. Learn from your past and allow those lessons to give you a brighter future. It might be a good idea to set goals at the beginning of your second marriage.
Reflect on mistakes or regrets from your first marriage, and make goals based on what you would like to be different this time around. Making your partner your priority by showing kindness, love and respect will help to make your second marriage so much better than your first and you will hopefully find your past mistakes and experiences will lead to a stronger marriage for you and your new spouse.
Dixie is a full-time mother and part-time freelance writer and blogger. She has written for many niches, including home, family, finance, and health. She lives in Arizona with her three girls 8, 12 and 14 and husband.
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