“A house divided against itself cannot stand.”
~ Abraham Lincoln
In 1858, Abraham Lincoln made this biblical quote in his acceptance speech as his party’s nominee as the Illinois United States senator. Lincoln made the speech at a time when tension between the North and South over slavery was intensifying. He asserted the conflict would not stop until a crisis was reached and passed. Lincoln continued, “I believe this government cannot endure permanently half slave and half free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing, or all the other.”
The divorce rate for blended families is nearly 70% – a home divided against itself cannot stand. The unique dynamics and stresses associated with the blended family creates division within the family. Families are blended or in actuality merged with different family histories, personalities, ways of doing things, etc.
Often children are merged who are resistant to change. Children who may want their biological parents to be reunited – they prepare to go to war against their perceived enemy – their new stepfather.
When everyone in the household is not getting along, our homes feel divided. It is us, the stepfather, who feels like the odd man out and often times loses hope our home can continue to stand if things don’t change. To ensure our house remains standing we must put our marriage first. This requires the priority and commitment of both you and your wife.
Putting your marriage first is for the benefit, not detriment of your children. This is the behavior you want your children to model in their own marriages. You may have a wife who you feel is particularly protective of her children and always putting her kids first.
You might not feel the partnership with your wife, but as much as your flesh screams to respond in kind you must become what it is you want. Commit to putting your marriage first and by your example, pray and anticipate a change of heart in your wife. See a marriage family therapist if you need outside help.
Children get the following benefits from seeing their parents as a team.
- Stability. Children in a blended family have already suffered loss because of death or divorce.
- Inability to play one parent against the other.
- No More or Less Acting Out. Disrespect to the stepfather will usually stop or at least be lessen.
With God as the bed rock of our homes, the foundation is a committed and stable marriage. A united house will weather life storms and stand the test of time. Expect the best. Focus on your goal. Focus on how you are reaching your goal. Focus on how you will feel when your goal is attained.
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