“Time is the most precious thing you own… Quantity time matters just as much, if not more, than quality time. While it’s okay to take your kids to Disneyland, it isn’t a substitute for good parenting. Parents need to be there–they need to be a witness to their children’s lives. That means creating good times, but more importantly, it means being there when things are tough. It means being an active participant in your child’s everyday struggles. “
— Laura Ramirez
Tips on spending time with your kids.
- Balance. If you have your own children in the relationship make sure you balance it with the time you spend with your stepchildren. Your stepchildren are also part of your family and need to be treated as an equal member.
- One on One Time. Make sure you give each child individual attention. Alone time with your child is best when you are doing something you both enjoy. Talk to your child; find out how they are doing. Invite the child to participate in your own activities. If you fish, golf, go to sports games or have a hobby take your child along. This gives your child a chance to see what you enjoy and gives their mom a break. Mark the dates down a household calendar showing your children you make this time a priority.
- Simple can be Special. Spending time doesn’t mean you have to do anything special. All it means is you give your undivided interest and attention. If you’re overwhelmed with chores, ask your kids to help. There’s something about engaging with others in routine chores that invites conversation and connection. Check yourself before you use candy, money, toys or trips to make up for being unavailable. Remember we do this in response to our own guilty feelings.
- Incorporate Together Time into Your Daily Schedule. Kids love to help. Take them to a grocery store with you and let them help you pick the groceries. Have them help you cook dinner. While it might be messier and may take more time in the beginning, you will see the children will become your greatest helpers and they will look back and remember “before dinner” was always special time with you.
- Stay Connected. Don’t let a busy schedule prevent you from showing your kids you still care. Write notes and drop them into their lunch boxes. Children state this is one of the top things that make them feel loved and cared for by their parent. Depending on their age drop by their school and join them for lunch. Be creative!
- Unscheduled Time. Time spent freely and spontaneously is a great healer of relationship. Learn to make time for the children in your life. Have days or at least moments when you freely give your time. Be able to lay down the “To Do List” and give your children time.
Remember spending time with your kids is more than an item to tick off your “To Do List.” Spending time with your children gives them a chance to learn and be heard. Most of all, it provides you and your kids with time to connect. It’s these connections that make your children feel loved. So forget about your “To Do List” and take those extra moments to when you look back, you will be thankful for the memories.
Read more great tips on how to be a good stepdad in the Archive How to Be a Good Stepdad.
