Dads and stepdads play a vital role in the lives of their children. They can teach both boys and girls how to behave, how to be treated, and about welcoming responsibilities. Fathers can also teach their children how to treat other people and give them invaluable lessons on behaving themselves.
Boys and girls can get their sense of identity from their fathers. As some researchers confirm, fathers can have a lasting positive effect on their children’s emotional and psychological well-being (Ellis, Khan, Harris, McWilliams & Converse, 2014).
When fathers are missing, children lack the basic examples to help them become confident and self-assured individuals. Some believe children without fathers often don’t get the benefit of a male perspective in their lives.
However, for some young people, it’s their mothers who provide them with lessons and rules by which to live. It’s the examples fathers demonstrate that help to mold the kind of adult a child becomes.
Although many women try to play the role of a mom and dad, there’re some things mothers cannot do. Some women may have been disappointed with the men in their lives. Unfortunately, they sometimes unconsciously pass on such negative feelings to their children.
Some girls only imagine what having a father is like, and grow up having distorted views of males. These views expose them to domestic abuse, which they sometimes mistake for love. A young boy can also grow up feeling a void and find unsavory characters as role models.
Research on young men who become involved with gangs suggests one of the reasons they join gangs was to find what was missing. Most of these men had no influential father figures at home. Rightly or wrongly, the gang leaders serve as strong men who can show them by example what it means to be a man.
Some young boys believe their gang members will be mentors to them, provide them with the older male companionship and friendship they need, and offer them protection. Unfortunately, these young boys find out as young men, they too were wrong.
Many young women arduously seek out and willingly accept male companionship, having no idea how good men are supposed to behave.
Although grandfathers, uncles, and even older brothers sometimes step up and take the place of a father occasionally, having one’s dad appears to be the wish of many young people.
This is where having a stepdad becomes a dream come true. Stepdads play a significant role in raising a successful adult. Many men have taken on this role as a stepfather. They have served brilliantly to provide not only financial support but emotional support, guidance, mentoring, and much more.
Stepdads often offer what some dads were never able or willing to offer. A sense of security and direction in how to be a responsible adult. And also a real-life experience of what it means to have a male in the family.
For this reason, as Father’s Day approaches, I want to say, “Hurray to Stepdads!” I remember as a young person growing up with a missing father, a father who had left home for faraway lands and unwittingly deserted his family.
I also remember as a young person hearing the word “divorce” and, for some time, threats of kidnapping my brother and me to faraway places. But in time, I gained a stepfather, who turned out to be every bit of the father I imagined.
Since I did not have a father who was present during most of my early life, whose absence had caused me to hold no great sense of loss, I welcomed my stepdad with my whole heart. Further, my mom made sure my brother and I respected and loved our stepdad as much as we had respected and loved her.
Our stepdad corrected us when we did wrong, and mom supported this. And things worked out well. As an adult, I give a great deal of credit to both my stepdad and my mom. They did everything to guide my brother and me to feel secure in the love of two parents.
Now, dozens of years later, when I speak of my father, the only images I see are the fond memories of my stepdad. To me, my stepdad was the only father I ever knew, and I am grateful for this.
Israelin is the author of the book Respect Is Only Human – A Response to Disrespect and Implicit Bias. The book is available for sale on Amazon.
References
Ellis, S., Khan, Y. S., Harris, V. W., McWilliams, R. & Converse, D. (2014). The impact of fathers on children’s well-being. IFAS Extension, University of Florida. Retrieved from https://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/pdffiles/FY/FY145100.pdf
Yogman, M., Garfield, C. F. & Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health (2016). Fathers’ roles in the care and development of their children: The role of pediatricians. Pediatrics, 138(1), e20161128. Retrieved from https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/138/1/e20161128
