Anyone who grew up with siblings is familiar with the feelings of sibling rivalry. Competition, jealousy, and tension can arise between siblings. While all kids occasionally fight, sibling rivalry involves deep-seated feelings of rivalry and competition.
Sibling rivalry can strongly impact family dynamics and even affect the relationship between adult siblings, so it’s important to understand how to manage sibling rivalry in blended families.
Understanding Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is more systematic and deeper than occasional squabbles. It doesn’t stem from disagreements; it comes from comparison as kids try to figure out their identities, perceive favoritism from parents, and attempt to get parental attention.
It has a significant impact on family dynamics. This includes increased tension, stress, and even a sense of division or “taking sides” among siblings. Sibling rivalry can impact parental relationships, too.
If you and your spouse constantly mediate conflicts, it can get very exhausting! Over time, unchecked sibling rivalry builds long-term resentment, strained relationships, and estrangement.
Techniques for Managing Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is tough to prevent, but with perseverance, dedication, and, most importantly, love, you can help your kids overcome it. You need to promote open communication and conflict-resolution skills.
Active listening means more than just hearing your kids’ words; it means taking the time to understand what they want. When you’re an active listener, you respond to your kids’ words and try to get to the root of their problems. Active listening is a skill that everybody can practice, and it goes hand-in-hand with conflict resolution skills.
All families have conflicts, which are inevitable in blended families as people learn about each other’s personalities and adjust to the changes in the family dynamic. That’s why having a plan in place for conflict resolution is important.
Teach your kids to use statements explaining their reactions rather than blaming others. Ensure you listen to all sides of the story before meting out punishments, and keep punishments constructive. Consequences are fine, but they must be proportionate to the situation and align with the rules you’ve set up as a parent.
Rules and boundaries are important. Kids don’t intuitively understand what you want from them or what behavior is appropriate, so you need to tell them! Both parents need to agree on rules and keep them consistent.
Don’t frame the consequences for breaking the rules as punishments; explain the consequences for violating the rules or people’s boundaries. Ensure all kids are treated fairly and held to the same basic behavioral rules.
Fostering Positive Sibling Relationships
It would help if you did more than stop conflicts for strong, healthy family relationships. You need to help your kids foster strong sibling relationships. Growing up with supportive siblings is essential for healthy relationships as an adult, so you should do what you can to encourage these relationships.
That means encouraging bonding activities and doing things as a family. Family outings are important, even just walking around the block after dinner. It’s also important that you are equally supportive of all of your kids’ extracurricular activities. If one kid plays basketball and the other participates on the debate team, you must attend both the games and the debates.
It would help if you also promote empathy and support, and the easiest way to do this is to model the behavior you want to see. If kids see you encouraging your family members and being kind and appreciative, they will mimic this behavior.
You should also teach siblings to be each others’ allies, not bullies. Lead by example, and your children will learn that there’s no favoritism or competition for your attention; you love and support them infinitely and unconditionally.
It’s also crucial to respect the children’s dynamics and role in the family. Older siblings often have a hard time with sibling rivalry when a new sibling is born or perceived to get special treatment because they’re younger. It’s not uncommon for first-borns to resent their younger siblings for taking away their parents’ attention.
Middle children often feel overlooked or squeezed out compared to their oldest and youngest siblings. The youngest children will sometimes play up their role as “the baby,” which can fan the flames of irritation with their older siblings.
To combat this, you must spend time with each child individually and listen to their concerns. Kids need a lot of reassurance, so when they reveal their insecurities, help them build up their self-esteem and strengths in those areas.
Saying Goodbye To Sibling Rivalry
No sibling relationship is without a bit of tension. No human relationship is without a little tension. Let’s be honest here: You and your blended family aren’t the Brady Bunch because the Brady Bunch weren’t real people.
Your family is made up of real, wonderful, and, yes, sometimes messy people. But simultaneously, your kids and stepkids don’t have to be mortal enemies. You can manage sibling rivalry through good communication and conflict-resolution skills. And doing so has lifelong benefits!
You will help your kids build a support network with each other that they will lean on into adulthood. You can create new memories as a family, start your traditions, and build something greater than the sum of its parts.
Blended families face many challenges but can be incredible opportunities for loving relationships. However, blended families won’t blend independently, and parents and stepparents must invest time and effort into nurturing these bonds.
At Support for Stepdads, we want your family to succeed. Check out our other blog posts for more advice on building and maintaining harmony with your blended family!
