Being a parent or stepparent means having hard conversations with your children. They’re growing into new people every day, and you’ll rarely have a warning as to when they might need to ask you about complex topics like bullying, puberty, or sex.
You may know your kids well enough to read their emotions, but knowing how to talk with them in a way that respects who they are and their growth but doesn’t let them overstep boundaries is difficult. As they develop new feelings, opinions, and thoughts, you might need advice on how to keep your relationship with them growing – while helping them grow, too.
We’ve put together some of the best conversation tips for your stepkid and kid for fostering communication and trust from their earliest stages of development to their latest.
Ask Questions
The one thing you should always remember with your kids is you need to ask questions. Your kids have thoughts and feelings but rarely know how to articulate them.
It’s even rare for them to share them voluntarily. Get them used to you asking them questions, but try to avoid making them feel interrogated.
If you bake genuine questions into your relationship with your child – like asking how their day was because you genuinely want to know how it went – then it makes it easier when you have to ask them the more significant questions, or vice versa.
Not only will asking specific and caring questions help you build your relationship with your child, but it will also help them trust you more and feel more comfortable sharing the things on their mind, big or small.
Here are some excellent questions you can ask your child to help them open up to you without being too intrusive:
- What was your favorite thing that happened today? Why?
- What do you like most about your friends?
- What do you not like doing usually? What do you enjoy?
Any question about their personality, opinions, or behavior is excellent, but remember: you want to refrain from interrogating or getting into these questions cold turkey. First, you must build a rapport of questions and answers that matter to your child with the more straightforward questions.
Listen to Your Child
Your kid won’t want to talk to you if they don’t feel like you listen, plain and simple. We’re people, too; parents can’t always be perfect one hundred percent of the time, especially when it comes to giving children undivided attention. Your life can be hectic, and sometimes you can’t afford the attention.
However, brushing children off can be deceptively easy, especially when they’re younger. If your kid wants to talk to you, give them the time of day. You might not always be able to, and you certainly can’t give them one hundred percent at the drop of a hat, but if you never give them a sliver of your undivided attention, they won’t feel listened to, and then they’ll stop talking.
Communication is ninety percent listening and ten percent talking. Listening to your child is how you learn about them, and it teaches them how to listen. Parents who attend to their children inspire active listening and help them feel empowered to speak, which can do wonders for their self-esteem later in life.
Be Open and Honest
Kids are a lot smarter than we like to give them credit for. Even from a young age, your kid can tell when you’re not feeling well or keeping things from them.
If you hold back opinions, events, or emotions too often, you will build a feeling of distrust between you and your child that can be highly damaging to your relationship.
We’re not petitioning for all parents to be frank about everything. However, withholding information from children can be easier than being honest. We want to challenge you to be communicative and truthful with your kid.
If they ask you what’s bothering you, tell them. This can give them a glimpse into adulthood and help them better understand you, not as their parent, but as a fully-realized human being of your own.
This is especially crucial in the teen years and beyond. One of the hardest things about transitioning your relationship when your child becomes an adult is being respectful and honest with them. Avoid infantilization and dishonesty by being open when they ask.
