Does your blended family keep having problems? It’s not easy to navigate bringing two households together and perfectly meshing life, routines, traditions, and emotions.
This article will discuss common blended family problems and how to move through them together.
Tips For Resolving Blended Family Problems
Resolving conflict is one of the hardest things to do as a family — especially as a blended one. You’ve done things a certain way, and bringing in a new mom or dad and other children can throw a wrench in seemingly perfect systems.
But the truth is there’s no perfect way to run a household. It depends on the needs of each unique family. So, if you find it challenging to blend two households right off the bat, that’s okay.
Here are some of the top conflicts you may encounter and some tips for resolving them:
1. Different Disciplinary Techniques
Deciding how you and your new spouse will discipline together is one of the first things you should discuss. One of you may have strong views about a particular technique, while the other spouse has a more laid-back approach.
Discipline is a source of stress for families, so it’s always best to have a plan upfront. For example, who will be the go-to for disciplining each child? Are you both going to be equally involved as a stepparent? What does that look like? How will you talk your kids through punishments?
Agreeing on how you will discipline together is one of the most important things you can do for your marriage and children.
When devising your disciplinary strategy, don’t forget to establish clear rules and boundaries and stay consistent. Consistency shows children you are serious, so they know what to expect if they do something wrong.
2. Not Presenting A United Front
As parents, you are a unit. And in a blended family, it’s almost too easy for kids to see “their mom” or “their dad” as the one they should listen to.
It’s important not to talk negatively about the other spouse in front of children because kids can quickly lose respect for their stepparent.
To help kids feel comfortable around both parents and see you as a team, avoid arguing in front of them whenever possible. Remember that discussing different opinions can show your children how to resolve conflict; however, there are better examples to set than yelling and screaming about a problem.
By speaking positively and modeling a healthy partnership, you set your family unit up for success.
3. Prioritize Honesty
Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean you don’t make mistakes. Blending a family can be challenging, and you aren’t always going to get it right.
If something doesn’t turn out how you thought, or you must make a different decision than you initially told your kids, be honest. Share how you feel about it, why you made that decision, and ask if they have any questions.
You can also schedule time together each week to talk about things as a family. These “team meetings” can be fun with games and popcorn. But they allow you to check in with everyone in a non-threatening way and chat about feelings and things that happened that someone might be upset about.
4. Start New Traditions
One of the tips for resolving blended family problems is to start new traditions. Each family has their traditions, and when you’re blending two households, there may be some friction and some “we’ve always done it this way.”
It’s okay to start new traditions! In fact, sometimes, coming up with brand-new routines or fun activities together can help you all bond.
These traditions don’t have to revolve around holidays either. It could be as simple as getting donuts on Friday mornings or going to the park together on Saturday before a movie night.
Whatever it is, make it meaningful to your kids and let them give their input! You could end up with a hilarious new tradition with everyone in stitches every time you do it. The choices are limitless.
5. Make Your Home Feel Safe
If you are navigating the trauma of divorce, remarriage, and many changes, it can be challenging for kids when they feel like their whole world is constantly being turned upside down. Add joint custody, where they go back and forth between houses, and things can feel overwhelming.
To help the kids in your house feel seen and safe — no matter what external circumstances may be going on — work to create a safe haven within your home. Studies have shown that children who grow up in blended households have a higher tendency to feel like they don’t belong.
That’s why it’s so important to let them know that it’s okay to share how they feel and that it’s okay to be upset or happy or whatever they need to be in the moment. Permitting them to let down their hair and get comfortable with whoever is in the household goes a long way toward you meshing as a unit.
6. Seek Counseling As Needed
Sometimes, there are problems bigger than you can face on your own. Whether you have a child with special needs or behavioral or medical problems that you need support with, or you feel like there are things you and your spouse need help to navigate, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help.
Professional counselors can help you find the words and give you the tools you need to be successful together.
Love Your Blended Family
Blended is beautiful no matter what your family looks like. As you work through common blended family problems, remember what you’re fighting for and that you love your kids.
By following the tips in this article and giving yourself grace, you and your kids will be poised to take on this new phase of life — together.
For more ways to thrive as a blended family, visit our blog today!
