Sibling rivalry can be brutal. And rivalries between kids in a blended family can be even worse. But how do you foster a healthy environment within your home while encouraging teamwork and togetherness?
This article will explore how birth order, responsibilities, and traditions can impact blended family sibling rivalry. We’ll also share tips for how to resolve these conflicts.
The Roots Of Sibling Rivalry
It’s not unusual for siblings to feel some competition with each other. They are looking to define who they are individually and are trying to explore the activities and interests that make them feel special and unique.
Sibling rivalry can come into play when children feel like they are competing for their parent’s love for one reason or another or that they aren’t given equal opportunities or treatment. This is especially true in a blended family.
Let’s explore other causes and solutions to this conflict in your blended family below.
Sibling Rivalry Conflicts And Resolutions
1. Birth Order
When blending a family, it’s important to help kids feel like they’ve maintained their place in the birth order.
Of course, you may be introducing older kids into the mix — you certainly can’t help that — but this type of displacement can lead to trust issues and depression.
To help kids navigate these feelings, stress to them that their birth order is the same. You may have two siblings with the same birth order, and that’s okay!
2. Consequences
Parenting styles differ, and so do kids’ behavior. If siblings start to think they are getting punished more harshly or differently than their other siblings, this can breed resentment and cause them to lash out.
Whenever possible, incorporate positive consequences into your routine. Praise your child for the things they’re doing well. Thank them for completing their chores. And when they do something wrong, keep the negative consequences on the same level for all children.
This takes a lot of work on the front end as parents and stepparents, but resolving blended family sibling rivalry depends on these types of hard conversations and compromise.
3. Responsibility
Age-appropriate household responsibilities can keep everyone feeling like they’re doing their part.
When everyone has set chores and expectations, it can keep sibling rivalry down and allow everyone to feel like they’re a part of the cohesive unit. In addition, as we mentioned above, praise each child for a job well done! Give them individualized recognition and watch older children for signs of resentment or frustration.
4. Talk Openly
Sometimes, you need to talk it out. Have a family meeting or make Friday night’s pizza night, where you all chat about what’s been going on that week.
However you do it, make sure your kids feel comfortable coming to you with whatever they’re dealing with, so you can work through it together. This will help you know what’s going on in your child’s head and also help you be proactive about making sure everyone feels valued.
Work Together As A Blended Family
No matter your unique situation or how many children you have in your household, you can resolve blended family sibling rivalry by paying attention to the cues your kids are giving you and being proactive as much as possible.
Start by setting expectations for everyone in the family unit. Then, divide chores appropriately and evenly amongst family members — including parents! After you have these pieces in place, ensure you maintain equitable positive and negative consequences, so there’s no debate over what’s fair.
Embrace that things can be challenging. But over time, it can get easier if you communicate openly and honestly with each other.
You’ve got this!
