Get Involved!

This is a continuation of the previous two posts Tips for Stepfather’s Raising Stepson’s.  The first tip was on teaming with the biological parents  and the second tip was on the virtue of patience.

Are You Involved?

Are you involved in your stepson’s life?  How much?  Take this small quiz about your stepson and find out.

• Can you name all of his teachers?
• Do you know what he is most passionate about?
• Who are his best friends?
• What is he studying in school?
• Do you know what book(s) he is reading in school?  At home?
• Do you know what is favorite subject(s) are?  
• Do you know how he spends his time after school and on the weekends?
• Can you name some of his favorite athletes, entertainers, TV programs, movies and music?
• Do you know what he spends his money on?
• Do you whether he is happy or sad, popular or lonely, anxious or calm?

If you’re unable to answer most of these questions, you’re probably need to be more involved in your stepson’s life.  Your involvement in your stepson’s life is important at all ages from infant to teenager. 

Benefits of Being Involved

The strongest and most consistent predictor of a child’s mental health, adjustment, happiness, and well-being is the level of parental involvement in their life.  Children with involved parents are more likely to:

• Do better in school
• Have healthy self-esteem
• Excel at their extra-curricular pursuits
• Have a stronger relationship with their parents
• Be emotionally stable
• Take less risks
• Avoid getting into trouble inside and out of school

Children are not the only ones who benefit.  As a stepfather, it will help you get and maintain a positive attitude toward stepparenting and increase your self-esteem.  You and your partner’s deep and consistent involvement is the most important contributor to your stepson’s psychological development.  This is regardless of whether your stepson is an infant, teenager or any age in between.

Essentials to be Involved

• Willingness to invest your time and hard work
• Willingness to lend your to skills and talents in support of your stepson; don’t be a bystander
• Unconditional acceptance of your stepson for who they are and not who you want them to be

Early in my relationship with my stepson I thought I could learn what I wanted to know by asking questions.  While questions are good, his answers would only paint a partial picture.  I learned more overhearing him and his friends while they were at our home hanging out than asking 100 questions. Your stepson is more likely to share what’s really important in a casual way, when the two of you are doing something together that maybe totally unrelated to what your child wants to tell you.  This is one reason why it’s important to spend time with your stepson. 

Ways to Be Involved

In order to be involved with your stepson you are going to have to spend time with him.  I state the obvious because some of us (parents) believe we can have a meaningful relationship without the investment of our time and energy.  Knowing what’s going on in your stepson’s life is the key to your involvement. 

• Early in the relationship monitor your stepson’s activities
  • Know what your stepson is doing in school and extracurricular activities; be a part of it
  • Take to athletic practice, ask how they did on test they studied for, etc.
    • Avoid coming on too strong
• Be involved in your stepson’s life both inside and outside of your home
• Expect to be involved in decisions affecting your stepson
• Go to his athletic events, musicals, Scout meetings and activities, and plays
  • Your stepson will be encouraged by your presence
• Make your home the place where your stepson and his friends feel comfortable hanging out
  
  • Great opportunity to learn about what’s going on in your stepson’s life
• Do things with your stepson that he likes
  • Only get involved in activities you genuinely like and have an interest in
    
    • Your stepson will easily discern any insincerity and lack of enthusiasm
      
• Share your talents, skills and interests with your stepson
  • Focus on those he has a genuine interest in
  • The goal is to establish a common connection point
    

Being an involved stepdad is a full-time effort.  Committing yourself to be involved in your stepson’s life doesn’t mean you can’t maintain your career or pursue personal interests.  It does mean you will need to make conscious decisions regarding your priorities and schedule.  Make being an involved stepdad a priority.  Your involvement will give your stepson a legacy of psychological well-being that will last him his entire life.  Please click “Like” on the Facebook widget on the right.  Thank you.