Raising children is challenging enough, but it will be an even bigger challenge when you’re the stepfather. However, these tips for stepfathers raising stepdaughters can help you.
When you first come into your stepdaughter’s life, you should expect an initial honeymoon period followed by something opposite – distance and the cold shoulder.
Unless you’re a real jerk, don’t take it personally; it’s because the novelty of your presence is gone, and reality is setting in. She doesn’t understand or accept why her mother needed to find a replacement for her father.
Most stepdaughters will need time, maybe even years, before you are truly accepted. Here are some tips for stepfathers raising stepdaughters to facilitate the process.
Go at Her Pace
Allow your relationship to move at your stepdaughter’s pace. Be patient, at some point; she’ll want your involvement as the father figure in her life.
Whether it’s for help with homework or even to ask for lunch money, she will come to you. You must let her know you aren’t trying to replace her dad; you just want her to make a little room in her heart for one more person in her family. Remember, you are marrying their mom and her children. She will respect you for that.
Stay Connected
If you and your wife decide to have more children, the initial response from your stepdaughter may run the full range of emotions from excitement to outright hostility – expect the unexpected.
Do as much as you can during the pregnancy to involve your stepdaughter. Have her help decorate the baby’s room, pick the baby’s clothes or help pick names for the baby.
When the baby arrives, your natural tendency will be to pay more attention to your newest addition. That’s normal, but be sensitive to the possibility that your stepdaughter may conclude things will be different because it’s your biological child and begin placing distance between you and her to protect her heart.
During this time, it’s essential to stay connected with your stepdaughter. Hence, she knows you still value her relationship and that nothing has changed. As her stepfather, you should make every effort to make her feel equal and accepted as a family member.
The next post will have tips 3 and 4.
Read more great tips on how to be a good stepdad in the Archive How to Be a Good Stepdad.
