The following is part of the continuing series of tips to be a good stepfather:
#3 – Set a Good Example. They may tell you you’re not their Dad but you can be sure your stepchildren are still watching you – be a good example.
- Love their Mother. The best and most important example you can set for your children is loving and serving their mother. What they need most is family stability – that means keeping the promises you have made to their mother and in the process redeeming marriage in their eyes. Their entire outlook on life may change when they see love and commitment between you and their mother.
- Work with their Biological Father. Cooperating with the biological father’s efforts to be involved in his children’s lives is one more step that can smooth out a volatile situation.
- Be Your Best. You want your children to be the best they can be so let them see you at your the best. I’m not saying you must be perfect, trying to pretend you are will just result in frustration and lies. It’s okay if your kids see your weaknesses once in awhile or even that you make mistakes. We all fall down but how we get up will make a lasting impression on your child. Practice positive behaviors like being responsible, honest and being reliable. Avoid negative behaviors like drug usage, angry outbursts, excessive drinking and smoking.
#4 – Respect Your Wife’s Programs. Respect the child’s mother’s disciplinary and homework methods. If you think they may be out of line, talk to her privately about your concerns, when your not in front or within earshot of the child.
Check out the several books available on Stepfathering in Reviews. This time I recommend Keys to Successful Stepfathering by Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D.. Carl shares his years of experience as a psychologist and offers a very useful resource for step fathers and bio-fathers for understanding the multiple changes that affect step families. Issues of multiple alliances, boundaries, even gender differences about step fathers relating to step sons and step daughters, and more are all included in this book which helps normalize the process of step family development. He is very accurate in his description of the developmental process of step-family development estimating a minimum of two years for step families to come together as a working unit. Highly recommended.
