The role of a stepparent is a sensitive one. You want to get involved and form a bond with your stepchildren.
While at the same time you also don’t want to impose or come off as too strong. It can be challenging to find the right balance during the initial years.
To be sure, one thing that always helps us is respecting each other’s boundaries.
One common mistake adults make when they first become a stepparent, is they come with preset expectations of what a typical family is like and they try to create a stepfamily from those expectations.
A great way to build a relationship with your stepchildren is to engage in different activities with them. Please take a look at this article for the benefits gained from stepfathers engaging with their children.
For example, teaching teens how to drive is a great one on one activity to get to know each other and bond. Here are some tips to make the experience meaningful for both.
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Talk to Them First
Talk to your stepchildren first and figure out what they want and how they want to do it.
- Do they want to learn from you, go to a driving school or both?
- What pace would they be comfortable with?
- Where would they like to practice?
- How many days do they want to practice each week?
Also, you may consider selling your current car to an online buying company that says we buy any car and buy a used one for your teen. The car you purchase should maximize the safety features.
Also, find out if your stepchild has a particular preference for what he or she wants to drive. Once you’ve satisfactorily addressed the questions, you can proceed to get them a learning permit.
It’s also a good idea to talk to your stepchildren while you’re driving and explain what you’re doing. This will give them some knowledge and a feeling for your teaching style before they learn driving on their own.
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Keep your Cool
Remember your stepchildren are as nervous as you are. On its own, learning to drive is already a daunting task on its own.
Doing it with someone you don’t know very well yet doesn’t make things easier. Moreso, it can get frustrating when teenagers can’t follow simple commands on the road.
It’s best to control your emotions and relax those fists. Seeing you frustrated or angry can make your stepchildren even more nervous.
To avoid this situation, find an empty parking lot and practice there first. Then move on to lightly trafficked roads and once your teen mastered everything and you’re both confident, move on to main roads.
This way you won’t run into any accidents, either outside or inside the car.
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Take it Slow
Just because you find something easy, doesn’t mean everyone else does too. Maybe you learned how to parallel park in one go and can probably do it with your eyes closed.
Remember everyone has their own pace of learning things. Even showing you have certain expectations can put a lot of added pressure on children.
So, give your stepchildren some time to get the hang of it. Keep practicing and wait for them to get it in their own time.
Start with shorter lessons first, a half-hour to forty-five minutes’ drive. Then as time goes by, and you get familiar with each other, increase the duration of the lessons to an hour or hour and a half. You could even go for long drives which can be a great way to ask questions and get to know each other better.
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Don’t Alienate Them
No matter how many books they’ve read or videos they’ve watched, some information they can only get through people who’ve had hands-on experience. The chances are they don’t have all the driving lingo down yet.
So, when you’re instructing them, be careful to always tell them to do a U turn or pull over onto the hard shoulder. If you don’t come to their level, not only will they not understand you but they will feel alienated and detached.
It’s also a good idea to choose your words carefully when offering criticism. Since you’re a stepparent, they might be extra sensitive to what you say and how you say it.
So always provide constructive criticism in objective kind manner. Moreover, focus more on their achievements rather than their mistakes.
Instead of berating them when they fail, celebrate when they do something right. For example, when they were able to drive a whole mile on the road successfully, take them out for ice cream.
This will encourage them further and also work to strengthen your relationship.
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Use this Time to Impart Wisdom
It’s a good time to transfer the experiences you’ve accumulated in your life to your stepchild. Although sometimes they may roll their eyes and make faces at your stories, it does teach them valuable lessons which will help them later on in life.
Driving does take a lot of time. It’s a good chance for you to share your life story with your stepchild and make them get to know you and grow comfortable around you.
Conclusion
Being a good parent is difficult. Being a good stepparent is nearly impossible.
The blended-family dynamics are entirely different from normal family dynamics. You have to manage your relationship with your new spouse, your stepchildren, your own children in the new family structure, your ex-spouses and all while doing justice to each role.
There is no one, clearly defined way to be a good parent. Everyone has their unique style.
At the end of the day, whether you’re a parent or a stepparent, you want what is best for your child. While it can be immensely challenging, it’s equally rewarding to see the fruit of your hard work, for example, when your child passes the driver’s test and gets his driving license.
