Twenty-Six Hand-Selected Puns ~ Friday Humor

Is liking a groan-worthy pun a sign you’re losing your sanity? Nope, just the opposite.

Loving the wordplay of a pun could be an indicator that you have higher-than-average intelligence and are more attractive to potential mates, according to a 2011 study published in the journal Intelligence.

It also means you’re free from a lot of social insecurity. In his book, The Pun Also Rises, author John Pollack explains people who hate puns also tend to be L 7 squared (too squared).

So take a break from the world and enjoy these 26 hand-selected puns guaranteed to make you groan, and then laugh. Maybe even help you forget all the of stress-producing circumstances in the world, if only for a few minutes.

1. My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
2. What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? Guardians of the Galaxy!
3. Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory in France? De-brie was everywhere…
4. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
5. I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
6. It’s really hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac. They always take things literally.
7. What’s the worst thing about ancient orators? They tend to Babylon.
8. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
9. A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
10. A pet store had a bird contest, no perches necessary. I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself, this is the last thing I need.
11. Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
12. I hate insects puns; they really bug me.
13. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
14. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
15. How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
16. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
17. What did the hamburger name it’s baby? Patty!
18. Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants!
19. One lung said to another…we be-lung together!
20. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!
21. I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii!
22. What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabee!
23. My girlfriend thought I’d never be able to make a car out of spaghetti… You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!
24. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
25. The quickest way to make antifreeze? Just steal her blanket!
26. What do you do with chemists when they die? Barium!

About the author

In 1995, Gerardo Campbell married his now ex-wife becoming the stepdad to her two children. In 2011, he started Support for Stepfathers to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the US. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers and the women who love them worldwide. You can follow Support for Stepdads on Twitter and Facebook.