The definition of “quarantine” is a state, period, or place of isolation in which people or animals that have arrived from elsewhere or been exposed to infectious or contagious disease are placed.
The word quarantine comes from the Italian word quaranténa. The Italian word was based on the word on the French word quarantaine, meaning “forty days.” This French word was derived from the Latin quadraginta, meaning “forty.”
Health officials may have prescribed a 40-day quarantine because 40 had great symbolic and religious significance to Christians.
When God flooded the Earth, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, and Jesus fasted in the wilderness for 40 days.
Some of these jokes and puns could have rolling in laughter for at least 40 seconds. Seriously, some of these are pretty funny.
1. Has anyone else’s gardening skills improved during this quarantine? Mine have! I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March, and I’ve grown significantly since.
2. The W.H.O. officially announced that dogs couldn’t get infected by the Coronavirus. Therefore, dogs can leave quarantine. So, I guess you can say W.H.O. let the dogs out?
3. The quarantine has ruined many marriages, but mine is still going strong. Just the other day, I woke up to my beautiful and loving wife, holding a pillow tightly over my face to protect me from the Coronavirus.
4. As a responsible employer, all my staff is in a two-week quarantine. Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.
5. Due to the quarantine, ’ll only be telling inside jokes.
6. I hated the quarantine at first. Then I realized I have everything I need at my house, and I slowly started loving the isolation. It’s probably stock home syndrome.
7. Half of us are gonna come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks and the other half are gonna come out with a drinking problem.
8. Seniors During Quarantine. I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 am for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again, but an older man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the 3rd time, he said, “If you don’t let me unlock the door, you’ll never get in there.”
9. Do you want to know what quarantine has really taught me? That you don’t really need fun to have alcohol.
10. This Quarantine lockdown sure is messing with other peoples heads, I just saw my neighbor talking to his cat!! I told this to my dog and we both laughed our asses off.
11. The best thing about quarantine is that it’s brought my family closer. Now we sit around the dinner table and say, “I already know what you’ve done today.”
12. Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine? Husband: You were never really that skinny. Time of death: 26 April 2020 11:31 am – cause of death: Covid-19.
13. The King of Spain has been quarantined on his private jet. Which means the Reign in Spain stays mainly in
his plane.
14, Doctors discovered that during the coronavirus quarantine your food tastes different. It’s either a symptom or it’s because everybody started washing their hands.
15. Coronavirus update: Everyone at John Lennon airport has been quarantined. Imagine all the people.
16. What did the home-quarantined stand-up comedian say after he got a laugh from his video chat audience?
“Thanks, I’ll be here all week!”
17. Staying busy with quarantine and just replaced my leaking water heater.
It’s a tankless job, but somebody has to do it.
18. In response to being quarantined, I’m giving up drinking for an entire month.
Oops! I missed some punctuation. I’m giving up. Drinking for an entire month.
19. Quarantine has been hard. I’ve run out of toilet paper, and have to use lettuce leaves. It’s only going to get worse, though. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
20. Since starting the quarantine two weeks ago, I’ve been shredding all my old CVS receipts. I’m about halfway done – with the first one.
21. My wife and I are home quarantined for two weeks. Fortunately, we hoarded lots of toilet paper. Time for some roll playing games.
22. I’m self quarantined at my house until further notice. Sounds a lot better than I’m unemployed and not dating.
23. With everyone quarantined and staying inside, there’s no one out to spy on or follow around. The stalk market is fragile.
24. A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather.
He says, “Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! Altogether, it came to $47.22. Here’s your change.”
Grandpa says, “My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a tin of tobacco for my dad, and a handful of my favorite candies, all for about five cents.
“Can’t do that today, though. No sir-ee Bob.” “Why is that, grandpa?” asks the boy. “Too many damn cameras.”
25. Before Corona Virus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.
26. They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.
27. Now since everybody has started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.
The crisis seems to be behind us 😎 but just a few weeks ago toilet paper was a hard to get commodity. Click to read jokes about shhh toilet paper.
About the author
In 1995, Gerardo Campbell married becoming the stepdad to two children, a boy and a girl ages 14 and 10. In 2011, he started Support for Stepfathers to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the U.S. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers, and the women who love them worldwide. You can follow Support for Stepdads on
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