1. Is it true cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
2. What kind of pig can you ignore at a party? A wild bore.
3. What kind of murderer has fiber? A cereal killer.
4. A man walking down the street sees another man with a huge dog. One man says to the other, “Does your dog bite?” The man replies, “No, my dog doesn’t.” The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off. “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite.” said the injured man. The other man answered, “That’s not my dog.”
5. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
6. Why should you never iron a four-leaf clover? Answer: You should never press your luck!
7. What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck.
8. What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing, it just gave a little wine.
9. A three-legged dog walks into a Wild West saloon. The bartender asks him what he wants. The dog replies, “I’m looking for the man that shot my paw.”
10. Patient: Doctor, I keep hearing, “The green, green grass of home” in my head. Doctor: That’s called Tom Jones Syndrome. Patient: “Is it common?” Doctor: “It’s not unusual.”
11. Two aerials met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony was lousy, but the reception was excellent.
12. What do you call a donkey with 3 legs? A Wonky.
13. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
14. A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”
15. A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says to the mushroom. “Hey, we don’t serve your kind here.” The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fun guy.”
16. What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison? You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
17. How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was able.
18. An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Is this a joke?”
19. A guy goes to the Doctors, and he says, “Doctor, I’m anxious about my brother. He thinks he’s a Hen!” The Doctor says, “Well, have you taken him to see a psychiatrist?”, and the guy says, “Don’t be silly. We need the eggs!”
20. “I got that job down the bowling alley.” “What tenpin?” “No, it’s permanent.”
21. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and have their shoes.
Can’t get enough puns? Click here to read some more.
