Self-Improvement Tips For The Newly Divorced

After all the legal proceedings, negotiations, asset divisions, and custody matters, you and your former spouse have finalized the divorce. Whether this was something you wanted to happen or not, the realization that a relationship you very much thought would last forever has come to an end hits you hard.

For the many years you were together, you were as a team. You’ve adjusted to having someone in your corner, in most instances. You’ve sacrificed a great deal of who you were for the sake of the marriage.

Chances are you’re wondering what’s next? Where do you go from here? How do you pick up the pieces of your life and create a new normal that doesn’t involve your ex?

Though there may be a million questions running through your mind as regards your future, the answer is often apparent. You must start with yourself. Here are seven self-improvement tips for you to have a life after a divorce:

Working on You

A divorce takes a significant toll on a person in every aspect of their lives. Even if it was for the best, it’s not easy to pick up and move on from.

More often than not, you’ve already spent decades with your partner, and living without them every single day can be tough. You’re accustomed to spending every minute of the day with them and lean on them in times of significant troubles.

The best way to ensure your future is bright is to do the necessary work to become whole once again. Here is some advice on how to accomplish this.

This is a long process, so don’t pressure yourself to do well after a week or a month. Give yourself time and avoid falling to the expectations of other people that you can get back on your feet fast.

Here is some advice on how to accomplish this.

1. Grieve

This one may be harder for men than women, but a divorce is a loss, and you need to treat it as such. There’s nothing wrong with feeling heartbroken or remorseful for the demise of what you vowed to cherish forever.

Let your heartbreak, cry, journal, surround yourself with supportive friends and family, or speak with a therapist to help you sort through your emotions.

Do whatever makes you happy during this time, and don’t ever feel guilty about it. If you can’t survive a day crying about the divorce, give yourself the liberty to do it.

2. Learn from your Mistakes

The divorce doesn’t have to be a total loss if you can learn something from it. No matter the reason for the breakup, at the end of the day, both parties probably played some role in it.

Take an in-depth look at your marriage and assess areas of weakness or things you did wrong.

• Were you too bossy in the relationship that your partner eventually grew tired of you?
• Or were your problems with the lack of financial resources?

Regardless, it’s essential to know where you went wrong so you’ll know where to improve moving forward. You want to know this so you can avoid doing those things in any future relationships you may have.

Also, knowing this information can foster personal growth.

3. Discover your Interests

When most people get married, they give up particular interests, dreams, or aspirations they may have had to suit the relationship. Now you’re single again; it’s time to rediscover who you are.

Take some time and think about things you used to enjoy and determine how you can incorporate them back into your lifestyle. If you’ve outgrown those interests, consider things you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t for one reason or another. 

If you haven’t had the time to pursue your interest in gardening, for instance, as you were too busy taking care of your partner, consider the divorce as an opportunity to start doing what you love to do finally.

Aside from “feeling alive” again, pursuing these interests can also take your mind off of the divorce, allowing you to recover from it fast. You can even turn these hobbies or interests into a business so you won’t have to continually think about your ex-partner and the troubles you had to go through for the divorce.

4. Challenge Yourself to be Different

One of the most effective self-improvement tips for the newly divorced is self-reinvention. It’s not uncommon for people to want to reinvent themselves after being in a marriage.

It can be very enlightening and therapeutic to dare to be different. They’re ready to take risks, step outside of their comfort zone, and try something new.

Whether you decide to dye your hair a different color, travel the world for a year, or pursue a career or business opportunity, it can be very inspiring to see yourself in a new light. 

These opportunities will enable you to know yourself better and even become your avenue to meet other people who will help you recover fast from divorce.

5. Cultivate New Relationships

This doesn’t necessarily mean getting back on the dating scene (unless you’re ready). However, you need the closeness of others to help you continue to heal from your divorce and create a new life for yourself.

Get out there and show the world who you are. Mix and mingle with like-minded people you can have a great time with or even grow from. If it’s been a while since you’ve mingled or you’ve always had social phobias, don’t let that stop you.

Start in smaller social settings, bring an old friend or relative along, and if things are terrible, seek treatment for depression. The last thing you want to do is spend the next few years of your life alone and to yourself, as this can lead to a mental breakdown.  

6. Regain Your Independence

You and your ex operated as a team. It’s only natural you got used to them handling certain things. Now they’re gone, it will be vital for you to learn how to fend for yourself.

Whether that means learning how to create a budget, go grocery shopping, prepare meals, clean, do home improvements, car repairs, etc. You should start developing the skills necessary to become independent once again.

Though you’ll likely make some mistakes along the way, you’ll gain confidence in your ability to live on your own with every obstacle you overcome. 

Getting back on your feet after a divorce varies for every person. Be that as it may, your first step towards healing and moving on is working on yourself.

With these self-improvement tips for the newly divorced, you can improve yourself mentally and physically. You can also get past the overwhelming emotions of the breakup, and set yourself up for a bright future. 

Life after a divorce can be challenging to navigate, and a good therapist can help you transition to your new life. Here’s why you need therapy during a divorce.

About the author

Natasha Ballard lives in Austin, Texas, with her family. She spends her time writing food-related articles and taking care of her kids Loreen and Ted, aged 14 and 11. She also enjoys cooking and sharing her favorite recipes through her writing.