A father and a stepfather are worlds apart. Even though most aspects are the same, nothing can prepare stepfathers for what’s in store for them.
In most cases, stepfathers feel as though they’re one step behind, which can create a lot of family problems especially for the children.
The role of a stepfather is challenging often so, directly affecting the emotional health of the children in his care. This should explain why many stepfathers resort to disconnecting from their children which is usually not a good idea.
If you are a stepfather and are facing similar circumstances, fear not. Here are five ideas to make your peace with your stepchildren to keep them emotionally healthy.
1. Don’t Ignore Telltale Signs your Stepchildren are Struggling
Pay close attention to your stepchildren and how they behave. A lot of stepfathers fail to realize they can tell quite a bit from their stepchildren’s’ behavior.
For instance, if they’re finding it difficult to get along with others kids or is always cranky – don’t shrug it off. These small behavioral patterns could end up becoming huge in the long run if left unchecked.
If your children are spending an excessive amount of time gaming or eating a lot of unhealthy food, these are signs they’re trying to distract themselves from the pain they’re feeling.
If you fail to deal with these problems now, it could lead to health problems or worse addiction (alcohol, drugs, porn, etc).
2. Be Empathetic
Regardless of your stepchildren’s age, be empathetic to make your stepchildren feel comfortable around you. Your stepchildren may not be that comfortable at first, which is why you will need to patient and present to get them to talk to you.
Be honest, open and kind to make progress. However, under no circumstance should you react to them acting out.
There may be times when you will want to parent them, but not at the risk of sabotaging all progress you have made so far. As long as you play your cards right, there’s no reason your stepchildren will not come to you in their time of need.
3. Give Them the Opportunity to Spend Time with You
Remember, quality is more important than quantity. This applies to the time you spend with your stepchildren too.
Set a specific amount of time you would spend with your stepchildren. Use this allotted time to engage with them with no interruptions whatsoever.
Doing so will let your stepchildren know you are there for them, no matter what. Let them know they are your priority, but not at the expense of them holding unrealistic expectations.
Use this opportunity to indulge in an activity that will allow your stepchildren to learn about you while you learn as much you can about them. You won’t believe how productive this can be, but only as long as you listen to them.
You can go hiking, camping, fishing and even swim together. If you are encouraging your child to take up swimming, don’t forget to pay attention to pool safety.
4. Don’t take your Stepchildren’s Feelings Lightly
Parents find it convenient to trivialize their children’s behavior, which should not be something you do with your stepchildren. Since you wish to make a place for yourself, you will need to pay more attention to their feelings.
Whether they are young or are going through rebellion phase, be sensitive about your stepchildren. Instead of lecturing them, teach them to overcome their emotions.
Remember, you can seek professional help when children’s problems seem overwhelming and too difficult to handle alone. Thanks to the availability of telemedicine apps, you can contact a mental health counselor or therapist without having to leave your home.
To bring about a positive change, you will need to understand what is causing your stepchildren to vent out or act differently. Respond accordingly, without scaring them away from ever turning to you.
By letting your stepchildren know you are worried about them, they will be more open to you. This will, in turn, make it easier for you to investigate the cause of their struggle.
At the same time, you will have to learn to not be judgmental. With compassion and strength, your stepchildren will demonstrate a positive attitude, the kind that will allow them to reach their true potential without breaking a sweat.
5. Help Them when in Trouble
If you notice your stepchildren exhibiting an unusual amount of fear, anxiety, pain or stress; get them the help they need immediately. Also, pay attention to their eating and sleeping habits.
A calcium-rich diet is very beneficial for mental and physical health. As much as you would like for them to get close to you, your stepchildren may resist. If not you, there could be a myriad of other problems that could cause them to struggle.
No matter what the problem, be selfless and do not assume you can help them get through whatever it is they are facing. Know this, by being selfless, you are showing them they matter to you most.
As much as it is important to prioritize your stepchildren’s needs, it is just as important to focus on your emotional health. Once you get your stepchildren to be in tune with you, their moods will reflect your own.
This does not mean you deny what you are feeling but instead work towards making yourself and your stepchildren feel happy at the same time. Last but not the least, do not forget to maintain boundaries, to avoid jeopardizing everything you have accomplished so far.
