There’s nothing more rewarding than watching your child grow and develop into a successful young person. Children learn at an exceptional rate, comprehending big changes and new information. When interacting with the world and its complexities, it can be easy for them to get overwhelmed.
If this affects your child’s self-esteem, their development could be compromised. Confidence is the key to a child’s future success, and parents can be there to foster an encouraging household. Research-based confidence strategies are available to give parents the tools they need to uplift their children.
Confidence has proven to be essential for a child’s overall health and happiness. Low self-esteem can be linked to a lack of caregivers’ support, love, and encouragement. While you may not be able to help your child when they’re at school, you can give them the tools to thrive.
How Can I Help My Child?
To support children in finding their voice, think outside of the box. Research shows that certain behaviors and activities can boost a child’s self-esteem. For example, allowing children to make healthy choices can help them feel more confident.
As parents, we also act as teachers educating our children about themselves. They are young people, so they won’t know the answers to everything.
With that said, if your child has been struggling, that’s perfectly okay. What matters is how you address the issue. It’s important not to leave your child to go through their problems alone. Instead, partner with their insecurities to guide them through their emotions. Here are some research-based steps you can take to help your child find their voice.
Be a Role Model
The best thing you can do for your struggling child is to be the person you want them to become. Display confidence in yourself, even if you don’t actually feel like it.
Instead of using fixed mindset statements like “I can’t do this” or “I’m so bad at this,” try to redirect the conversation. Catch yourself when you say negative things to yourself and hold yourself accountable.
Instead, teach your children to use statements that encourage a growth mindset. Affirmations like “I can do hard things” or “I am courageous enough to try this” will help everyone in your family. Praise yourself, and your child will follow. This will encourage them to be kind to themselves and others.
This isn’t to say that you should completely ignore negative feelings or situations. These things can and will happen. Instead of invalidating your child’s feelings, when they do, embrace them.
Acknowledge negative emotions like anxiety, sadness, or panic. Talk them through and discuss the optimistic steps you and your child will take to overcome these obstacles.
In other words, the more confident you are, the more that your child will want to display that in themselves. Check-in with your child and allow them to have some choice in their life.
Ask them what they would like from you and what age-appropriate things you can work on as a team. This will let them know that you need help, too, even as an adult.
Get Them Involved
If you can find something that your child is passionate about, it might be a great place to discover what they can do with it. Part of confidence is discovering one’s own identity.
If that can be found in a particular activity or interest, that is a great place to start. To help your child come out of their shell, encourage them to get involved outside of school.
This can also include getting them involved with age-appropriate activities around the house. To encourage accountability, responsibility, and life competency, choose specific duties for your child. These can include chores, cooking, or basic life skills.
Choose these activities based on their abilities and age. Be understanding that these activities may not be done perfectly. What matters is the lessons they get out of completing primary responsibilities.
More than anything, encourage your child to try something new. It’s wonderful to develop skills they’re already good at, but attaining new ones can give kids the confidence to be assertive.
It’s an accomplishing feeling to succeed at something that’s a little outside of one’s comfort zone. If that’s encouraged, it helps your child feel like they’re capable of handling future challenges. Whatever they decide to do, be as involved as possible.
Let the Small Things go
Your children will make mistakes, and that’s okay. Mistakes are normal, healthy, and teachable. Even so, children can sometimes feel discouraged by mistakes. They can sometimes get stuck in a fixed mindset of being unable to grow or learn from the misstep.
When this happens, be there to comfort your child. Let the small things go and be quick to discuss boundaries rather than punishments. Remind them that everyone makes mistakes, including yourself.
Instead of dwelling on them, talk to your child about how they can learn from their mistakes. This will give them the confidence to know that their mistakes won’t define their future accomplishments.
Be Encouraging
No matter what, always encourage your children, even if they haven’t found their confidence yet. As mentioned before, consistently encourage them to go after new things and try new activities.
This will increase their confidence and discover their own identity. When praising your child, use specific examples like “thank you for speaking to me with compassion.”
Even so, parenting is not a linear journey. There may be moments when they lash out or take their feelings out on you. While this behavior is not acceptable, it can be addressed with encouragement.
Instead of speaking over their thoughts, let your child be expressive. You may disagree with what they say, but it can open up a discussion on boundaries. From there, talk about how their strengths can prevent another difficult situation.
Allow Them to Fail
As parents, the last thing we want to see our children do is fail. Even so, failure is a natural part of learning. Even if your child doesn’t succeed at something, it teaches them that it’s not permanent.
If anything, it helps them gain the confidence to continue aiming for another goal. When kids experience failure, it teaches them perseverance.
With that said, perseverance is a sign of confidence in itself. Learning not to give up after a setback is an important life skill. Of course, it’s vital to acknowledge your child’s feelings during this time.
They may go through a grieving process or experience negative emotions. Allow them to feel this way and help them through the discouragement. From there, try to redirect the goal and talk about what to do next.
If your child is questioning their self-confidence, remind them that it doesn’t mean succeeding at everything all the time. Talk to them about how they don’t need to be the best at the activity or goal they’re going after. Sometimes, trying is enough.
Try to get creative with the discussion. Come prepared with famous people who failed at their passion. At the same time, allow your child to choose their activities. Never force them to do something they don’t want to do. A parent should be a supporter, not an enforcer.
Help Them Set Goals
Setting goals will help your child feel capable of accomplishing healthy achievements. The process of discovering these goals can be a chance for self-exploration.
These goals may not be completed immediately, but it gives your child a chance to go after them. Giving them the motivation to accomplish these realistic goals will improve their confidence.
Even so, guide them through the goal-making process. Make sure they’re going after valid aspirations. For example, if they dream of becoming an astronaut as a career, there are a lot of steps to get there. This long-term goal could change as they get older. Plus, it may disappoint them if the goal feels out of reach.
Direct them to make smaller, short-term goals to help them become an astronaut. If they still want to have that as a long-term goal, support them in their choice by breaking it into smaller parts.
To do this, have your child make a list of everything they’d like to accomplish. From there, cut these down into checkpoints. This will help them feel validated, especially if these goals change over time.
Support Neurodivergent Strengths
There could be other reasons that your child is struggling, which may be outside your control. For example, children with autism and/or ADHD may struggle with communication, academic performance, and sensory sensitivities. These are normal obstacles, but they must be addressed nonetheless.
If this applies to your child, it’s your job to ensure that they receive the support they need. Children with autism or learning disabilities are capable of wonderful things.
But, they may need extra support to help them get there. Don’t wait until they’re struggling. The moment they’re diagnosed, start learning what you can do to advocate for your child.
Many schools offer support programs that can give your child basic accommodations. This can help them succeed in school while living with their diagnosis.
Depending on your child’s needs, therapies and treatment plans can help them thrive in school. It can also prepare their school for when your child needs extra learning support.
At home, confidence can be nourished with a consistent, encouraging, and patient environment. Children with autism or other related mental health diagnoses experience the world differently. That’s okay, and it’s important to accept that they may not have the same interests or learning styles as neurotypical children.
What matters is how you address the obstacles when they appear. Neurodivergent children are capable of experiencing successful lives. As a parent, it’s your job to ensure they get the help they need.
Celebrate Accomplishments
Make sure to praise your children for specific accomplishments. Instead of generic, vague, or over-exaggerated phrases, refer to a particular achievement. Open-ended praise can unintentionally decrease your child’s confidence.
If they make mistakes in the interest you praised them for, they feel worse for underperforming. Instead of saying something like “great job,” say “you came up with a great solution to that problem.”
Above all, praise your child for trying. Part of accomplishing something is doing new things outside of one’s comfort zone. If your child chooses to take a leap of faith, never invalidate them for making an effort.
Even if they struggle or fail along the way, remind them that it’s part of the process. It’s tough to try new things, and it’s essential to validate that. Instead of reprimanding your child for struggling, let them know you’re proud of them for trying.
Don’t Expect Perfection
When we observe movies, TV shows, or social media, there are often unrealistic expectations of societal “life goals.” In truth, many of these accomplishments may never happen for your child.
Some of them may happen earlier or later than expected. As long as your children live in an encouraging, loving, and caring home, they will persevere. A supportive childhood means they’re more likely to become a healthy adult.
Part of raising a child is expecting imperfection. Your child won’t exceed at everything, and that’s okay. Remind them that it’s unhealthy to compare themselves to others on social media.
We’re all on different journeys. Above all, we’re all human. They’ll make mistakes, they will fail, and they’ll experience disappointment. But, with the proper tools, they can overcome these obstacles with courage.
Express Your Love
Above all, make sure your child knows they’re loved. Whether they come home with a bad grade or fail at a certain passion, always let them know you care. You’ll inevitably disagree with one another, and your child will experience negative emotions. Allow yourself to feel your own emotions when overcoming these everyday obstacles.
Even so, it’s essential to nurture your child through every milestone. Support their passions, celebrate their accomplishments, and encourage them to try new things. Your child will thrive by being a role model of confidence and self-worth. Always let them know they’re loved and be the support they need to have a successful childhood.
