The following is my answer to Quora’s question, “Am I Wrong For Asking My Brother Not To Bring His Husband To My Wedding Because Of My Fiancé’s Homophobic Family?”
I sense you’re asking the question because you have doubts about your actions. I understand your desire to maintain the peace of mind of your future in-laws on your wedding day. However, it seems like you’re doing so at the expense of your peace of mind and probably your brother’s.
Do you plan on asking your brother not to bring his husband to future events where your in-laws will be present? This is the precedent or expectation you could be establishing.
The wedding is “your” day, not your in-law’s day. You should feel free and comfortable to invite those you want to attend – your in-laws should understand and accept this. Your future in-laws should hide their homophobia for their son and your wedding.
Practicing What I Preach
In May 2023, I attended my son Nathaniel’s West Point graduation. Nate’s mom, now my ex-wife, was there. Also in attendance were my ex’s first husband, her current boyfriend, Nate’s half-brother and sister (my estranged stepchildren), and relatives and friends of the family. I felt like I was in a Tyler Perry movie setting; I just wasn’t sure if it was a drama or a comedy. 🙂
After the ceremony, family and friends joined their new graduates on the parade field. I heard my son’s girlfriend’s mother congratulating my ex’s boyfriend on “his son’s” graduation, which he accepted without correction. I noted it as a character reference.
Later that evening, in an ironic twist, he reminded me Nate was my son when asking about my sharing the cost of Nate’s graduation dinner, even though I had previously discussed this with Nate’s mom. He even asked how I was planning on paying. Despite the flaming darts and arrows, I maintained my composure, recognizing an ugly response would only inject an adverse incident into a joyous celebration.
Moral of the Story
Remember who the event is for, and do everything you can to contribute to the happiness and positive memories of the event. Avoid anything that would attract negative attention to you or the occasion.
Difficult circumstances can occur in any family gathering. Here’s how to handle negative emotions around the holidays.
