I was asked the following question on Quora, “Is it shameful to be a stepdad knowing you’re bearing the responsibility that another man has caused? Is it like sloppy seconds in a way?”
My Answer
Loving and caring for children you were not responsible for bringing into this world is an honorable and unselfish act, and you should feel nothing but pride for taking on this estimable role.
The notion that you have someone’s “sloppy seconds” or that you swooped in like a predator to take advantage of your partner couldn’t be further from the reality of your relationship.
While the label stepdad may come with a stigma that may make embracing your role more complicated, you must realize just how important you are to your family.
The truth of the matter is that as a stepdad, you are willing to step up in a significant way:
You are willing to fill in the gaps left by biological fathers no longer in the picture. You are eager to encourage and pour into the ones who need guidance and support the most. You are willing to take on the thankless job of being a chauffeur, counselor, cook, coach, and cleaner without expecting praise or anything else in return.
You are willing to serve as a father figure and a role model for children who may not have had a positive experience with their biological fathers. You are eager to show up daily for your stepkids, even when life gets tough. You are willing to be the person your stepchildren know they can depend on during the good and bad times.
You are willing to show the children in your care what it looks like to be a good partner, leader, and dad.
There are few jobs in life as selfless and rewarding.
Being a stepdad does not mean you were acting out sexually or are less of a man for taking on another man’s responsibility. It means you are a loving partner strong enough to take on such an essential and admirable role for your stepchildren.
When you can set these falsehoods aside and see the value you add to your family, you will understand there is no shame in being a stepdad. Here’s how your role as a stepdad can be instrumental in raising a successful adult.
