The process of grooming or preparing a child for sexual abuse precedes acts of child sexual abuse in many cases. If you are concerned about your child or a child you know being groomed, it is critical to learn more about what it is, how it occurs, and how to address the situation.
By learning more about grooming, you can identify it, play your part in preventing it, and stop it in its tracks.
What Is Grooming?
Grooming is when an adult attempts to get close to a child or a family member to assault them at a later time sexually. During the grooming process, abusers manipulate their victims and attempt to ensure they will not be caught by a child’s trusted family members, friends, and mentors.
Grooming can occur online and in person. A groomer could be anyone: a trusted figure like a teacher, clergy member, mentor, or a random stranger on the internet.
When sexual abusers seek out victims, they tend to identify children they believe they can get closer to without their trusted figures knowing. At times, groomers target one child, developing an interest in them among their peers at church, school, or places of recreation.
Others may reach out to many children and attempt to get close to all of them. This type of grooming usually takes place online.
During the grooming process, the abuser will attempt to make the child feel safe. So, they will likely not know they are being groomed.
Many children will not come forward if they are being groomed, as they do not even know they are being hurt. This is why it is important to recognize the signs of grooming when you see them.
What Are The Signs Of Grooming?
Most groomers attempt to hide their grooming tactics, making their unacceptable behaviors as covert as possible to avoid being noticed and called out for their abuse. Though grooming is not always obvious, there are some signs of noticeable grooming.
Your child may display the following signs:
- Suddenly withdrawn behavior
- Refusal to tell you who they are with or where they are
- Spending more time online and being secretive about that behavior
- Suddenly having more money, clothes, or other expensive possessions not gifted by a family member or friend their age.
- Spending time with friends who are significantly older or having a significantly older partner
- Sudden absences from school, extracurriculars, or other responsibilities
- Suddenly taking drugs or drinking
Although children may show signs of being groomed, abusers also display suspicious behavior while trying to “normalize” their relationship with the child.
You might notice the following behaviors in a groomer:
- Frequently purchasing new things for the child
- Touching the child in seemingly harmless ways like tickling, wrestling, or hugging
- Exposing the child to age-inappropriate media or jokes
- Spending time or showing a strange interest in the child
- Giving the child special privileges such as ‘playing favorites’ between siblings or other children
Not all children who are being groomed will show these signs. In fact, some may show no signs at all. This is why it’s crucial to be aware of the signs so you can spot them early on.
Even so, don’t expect every child to show clear signs of abuse. As such, it’s critical to talk to your child about the grooming process and how to protect themselves from online and in-person predators.
What To Do If You’re Concerned About Grooming
If you are concerned that a child you know is being groomed, it is important to trust your instincts and take action. Even so, it’s important not to confront the abuser yourself. Instead, report the acts of child exploitation and grooming.
First, talk to the child and have an open conversation about their situation. Approach them with understanding, as it may be challenging for a child to talk about their abuse.
Learn what you can, offer them support, and advise them how to talk to strangers in the future. Your child may be unwilling to speak with you about who they are talking to. You may need to reach out to other safe mentors for more information.
If your child or a child you know has been sexually exploited, you should immediately report all information to the National Center for Missing Exploited Children. If you believe your child or a child you know is in any form of immediate danger, call 911.
Here are some other tips for keeping your child safe from sexual predators.
