For Thanksgiving, my church hosted a community-wide feeding of the homeless event. I was responsible for ensuring everyone received their turkey dinner and drinks – non-alcoholic, of course. I worked as a table captain for about four tables of ten people each.
Two young boys got my attention at one table and surprised me with their requests. “Coffee, please,” the two boys said in unison. I was taken aback by their request being an old-school veteran where coffee was a drink exclusively reserved for adults. I asked the boy’s mother if it was okay. She replied that they are from Guatemala, and kids there regularly drink coffee. I gave the boys their coffee.
As a new blended family member, you will probably be confronted with traditions you are surprised by or possibly even uncomfortable with. For example, in the family I grew up in, we opened our Christmas gifts on Christmas day immediately after midnight.
As a stepdad in my blended family, we opened our gifts on Christmas morning. However, if my stepkids were spending Christmas with their bio dad, we would delay opening gifts until later that day or the next day.
The Uniqueness of Blended Family Traditions
During the holidays, family traditions should be celebrated. Every family has a unique tradition. Decisions like who’s invited to a family dinner, who isn’t, who brings what, and the dress code are some things that make up a family’s holiday tradition.
Some of these traditions may change or be modified in a blended family simply because two families have come together. It’s typical for the differences in family practices to put a strain on a blended family.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. However, it’s essential to find ways to manage the situation. If your spouse wants your family to have dinner on Christmas Eve with his parents, for instance, and you usually have a family gathering on Christmas morning, you can accomplish both events. You should find a balance and, at the same time, put everyone’s needs into consideration.
Merging Traditions of Two Families
Family traditions are the backbone of our practices and culture. Traditions are usually tied to strong emotions of happiness and sadness. Interestingly, holidays are the best time for building and reinforcing family traditions and forming strong bonds within the family unit.
It can be challenging to sacrifice some of the traditions you grew up with, but you should be ready to compromise. You can successfully blend your stepfamilies’ traditions without making anyone feel left out.
As a new blended family member, accept your new family traditions. Each family may have different ways of observing the holidays. Keep your comments positive, or don’t say anything at all.
The focus should be on creating good memories. It shouldn’t matter too much when gifts are opened, what everyone gets, or what day should be set aside for a family dinner.
Also, you may get a ‘push back’ from older children when trying to modify a family tradition. Let them understand the need for a change. While keeping the bones of the tradition in place, cautiously make the necessary changes.
Parents with young adults in a blended family must also make adjustments since the children will not always be around. As things change, they, too, are making their way.
Accept and stay fluid in navigating new traditions. Seeking to accommodate the needs of your family members is a crucial factor in having a memorable holiday.
How to Successfully Get Through the Holidays in a Blended Family
Preparations during the holidays can make things get tensed up quickly. Add a blended family to the mix, and things can get even more complicated. However, the holidays can still be a memorable time for creating fond memories with your blended family.
The success of the holiday celebrations largely depends on your communication with your spouse. Remember, there’s no right way to handle the holidays as a blended family. However, these tips will be helpful.
1. Prioritize the Kids
Keep your anger or resentment towards your Ex in check during the holidays. Instead, focus on making the holidays pleasurable for your children. Also, help your children adjust to the new traditions; given time, they will love it.
2. Try New Methods
Be flexible and experimental with the other parent’s method. You can always switch back to yours if it’s not working. Also, you can try letting your children decide how they want the holiday to be.
3. Avoid Comparison
Of course, nothing is the same. Avoid comparing your blended family traditions with the old ones. Embrace new changes and see them as an opportunity to create new family traditions.
How to Build Blended Family Traditions
Just as your family is unique, it is entirely up to you and members of your blended family to make a special family tradition. Create an opportunity to come together as a family to discuss your new family traditions.
You can take out part of your old traditions, fit in new ones, and spice things up. The presence of every member of your blended family is essential during this discussion. So, everyone’s needs and expectations during the holidays are met.
It’s important to let everyone brainstorm and discuss what they want. Discuss traditions surrounding topics like food, Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, religious observances, etc. Everyone should feel loved and have their input considered.
Every good relationship requires understanding and compromise, including your blended family. Understanding your family dynamics and making every member feel loved will ensure a happy and successful blended family. Here’s how you can start new holiday traditions with your family.
