Our children learn a lot of important information in school. However, they don’t always know how to deal with personal conflicts or everyday struggles. Problem-solving skills refer to challenges that other people in their lives can’t fix. Examples include relationship struggles, homework problems, or tough decisions. Children can be supported through these problems, but they must solve them independently.
Even so, it can be challenging to watch your child struggle. When you have a potential solution to their problem, it can seem easy to step in and solve it for them. Unfortunately, this doesn’t teach them how to resolve the issue independently. This will only teach them to rely on others to address their problems. As parents, it’s essential to take a step back and teach your child how to combat their issues head-on.
The Importance of Problem-Solving Skills
Your children may encounter problems they have to solve on their own. Many of these will be related to academic or extracurricular activities. You won’t always be there to help them, so it’s important to teach them problem-solving skills to deal with these struggles independently. Kids without problem-solving skills may learn to avoid trouble altogether, leading to issues later in life.
Children without problem-solving skills may have trouble getting along with their peers or succeeding in school. They may also react impulsively, hitting another child for silly reasons like cutting them in line for lunch. To prevent this from happening, consider teaching your children problem-solving skills as soon as they enter pre-school. Support them through their problems without always giving them direct answers.
General Problem-Solving Skills
1. Be a Role Model
When your child is at home, display problem-solving skills when they can see them. For example, if your child notices you getting frustrated about something, be honest with your response. Be clear with your answer while using a growth mindset. For example, if you’re struggling with something and your child notices it, tell them what you’re going through.
Once you name the problem, don’t end the conversation there. Talk about how you plan to solve the issue and avoid statements like “I can’t do this.” Instead, use words like “I’m struggling with this problem right now, but I can do hard things and will solve it eventually.” Your actions will positively impact your child, especially when you’re not around to help them.
2. Identify the Problem
Sometimes, identifying a problem can be the first step towards a solution. Younger children may have a challenging time with this. While you shouldn’t give them a direct answer, this is a suitable age to support them through the process. Use direct language like “I can see that you’re having a hard time with your math homework.”
These statements identify a problem without solving it for them. From there, you can ask them open-ended questions. Since you’re no longer a student, you won’t be able to help them with homework, even if you think you might be able to. Instead, act as a supportive guide to their solutions. You can be there to help them process their emotions, but they need to solve the problem on their own.
3. Ask Your Child for Advice
Never underestimate children and their ability to process information. When it’s appropriate, ask your child for advice. Start this with simple questions when participating in everyday activities. For example, if you’re baking cookies with your child, ask them a general question like “which cookie cutter do you prefer?” This may seem small, but it shows that you trust them with their decision-making.
Starting small can help them process bigger situations. For example, if your child is having difficulty with a specific school subject, you can ask them a more significant question like “do you feel like you need a tutor to help you?” This may require more thinking, but if they’ve been allowed to make decisions on their own, they’ll feel more prepared when the time comes.
4. Come up With Potential Solutions
Help your child come up with potential solutions to their problem. You shouldn’t be giving them a solution, just options to help them feel confident about their choice. Start by having them write down at least five different solutions they can try. Visualize the choices by having your child develop their way of thinking.
Encourage your child to come up with solutions as unusual or realistic as they’d like. Avoid squandering their imagination for the sake of logic. Also, remind them that these ideas don’t have to be “good” to be effective. Granted, they’ll have to come up with a realistic solution eventually. Even so, during the brainstorming process, allow your child to get creative with their ideas.
5. Discuss Pros and Cons
Pros and cons lists can be a great problem-solving skill for adults and children. Once your child has narrowed down their choices, start discussing the consequences of each solution. Once again, try your best to take a step back and let your child do the brainstorming. They won’t feel as confident about their answer if you try to intervene.
Talk to them about the difference between positive and negative consequences. Help them come up with potential scenarios for each choice. For example, if they choose not to work with a tutor, they’ll have to accept that they may get a bad grade. But, if they choose to work with a tutor, their grades may improve. Only they can solve the problem, and they have to accept the consequences of their actions.
6. Choose a Solution
Finally, once you’ve brainstormed and come up with pros and cons, let your child make the final decision. If they ask you for input, encourage them to stick with their decision, even if you secretly disagree. This isn’t to say that you should let them handle the entire situation independently. If things don’t go their way, comfort them through the disappointment.
Children need to learn that their failures don’t define their future. The only exception is if the problem could potentially harm your child or others. For dangerous situations, it’s essential to intervene as their parents. But, if it’s a situation where they can safely learn from their mistakes, it will be a positive learning experience.
Problem-Solving by Age Development
3-5 years
Since children are so young at this age, the main focus is to improve their emotional regulation. They won’t be able to even think about problem-solving without being able to soothe themselves through difficult situations. With that in mind, the goal of this stage is to teach them how to manage their emotions.
The first step is to teach them to recognize and accept their emotions. This includes “negative” emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. The most crucial step is to validate their emotions. Make clear statements like “I understand you’re upset because you stubbed your toe.” From there, guide them to a place of relaxation and calm. Once their emotions have been regulated, ask them how to solve the problem.
5-7 years
While children in this age range may display similar emotions as 3-5-year-olds, you can begin teaching them more complex problem-solving strategies. To do this, use open-ended questions often, especially when they show signs of emotion. Examples of this include questions like “what are you feeling?” or “what would happen if you…?”
Start by giving them a myriad of materials like markers, cardboard boxes, tape, e.t.c. and see what they come up with. This will eventually teach them to start asking these questions independently, allowing them to problem-solve at a young age independently. Some other methods can include using arts and crafts to help them visualize complex problems.
7-9 years
Once your child learns how to solve problems in a basic manner, you can start teaching them to handle complex issues. Start by breaking down basic issues into smaller chunks. For example, this is the age when children start receiving more challenging homework assignments. If you’ve noticed much frustration with their schoolwork, start asking them to problem-solve.
Start by identifying the big issue: they’re struggling with homework. Ask your child to break the problem down into manageable chunks. Continue asking open-ended questions that engage their brain. If your child mentions that they haven’t been turning in their work on time, that could be a goal they need to work on.
9-11 years
Once your child enters middle school, you can give them challenging opportunities requiring advanced problem-solving skills. Examples include allowing them to engage with extra-curricular activities and/or sports. They may also be interested in an allowance that gives them money as a reward for completing certain tasks.
One fun way to improve their problem-solving skills is to give them a prompt with a certain set of materials. For example, making a bridge out of string, newspaper, and toilet paper rolls. This will prepare them for their future and interacting with others. These enjoyable and creative activities will promote confidence in your child.
12+ years
Once your child becomes a teenager, start encouraging them to make independent choices. At this age, most of their problems can be solved without your help. For example, helping them process their first major breakup with a partner. Even so, teenagers experience a wide range of emotions that still require comfort from their parents.
This may also come up when or if they decide on a college they want to attend. This is a decision that only they can make, but you can certainly help them through the process. Otherwise, independent problem-solving activities include chess, personal hobbies, or coding. Even if they don’t admit it, your teenager will still appreciate your support.
