May Is National Date Your Mate Month

Statistically, 50% percent of first-time marriages, 67% of second marriages, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. With the current divorce rates being what they are, having a successful marriage may seem like yearning for an unrealistic fairytale. But a successful marriage is possible to achieve, even if the odds seem stacked against it.

Researchers have discovered married couples who enjoy regular “date nights” experience lower divorce rates and report higher levels of happiness within their marriage than couples who don’t “date” each other.

At this point, you’re probably thinking: “Okay, if having a successful marriage is that simple, why don’t more couples date each other? Who doesn’t love spending intimate one-on-one time with their significant other?”

It may be a simple solution, but dating your spouse requires effort. Maybe you’re thinking something along the lines of: “I would love to go on weekly dates with my spouse, but what about the kids? Who has the time? I’m just too busy.”

Date night doesn’t have to consist of the traditional dinner at a fancy, expensive restaurant and ending the night in a hotel. It may surprise you to learn that, no matter how packed your schedule may be or how many children you have, you actually do have time to enjoy “date night” with your spouse.

Tips for dating your spouse:

Make Time For Each Other — No Matter What

The first and perhaps most important step is committing to date your significant other. Since marriage is synonymous with commitment, this shouldn’t be a new concept for you and your partner. So, commit to regularly making time for each other.

This can mean you plan dates for specific days each week – like every Friday, for example. Or, if your schedule is less predictable, you can fit date night in any day that works best for you that week.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you have “date night” written on the calendar well in advance or choose to be spontaneous; the important thing is that you stick to your commitment of making time for each other.

Your marriage should be more important than anything else. This means your spouse and date night should be your top priority. You may have to say no to work functions or decline invitations to hang out with friends to stick to your commitment.

Create Space for Communication

Being able to have fulfilling conversations with your spouse is vital.

The other two major factors are disputes over money and lack of sex/intimacy.

Regularly scheduled date nights present great opportunities to reconnect and converse with your spouse. However, people change, including you and your spouse.

Each date is an opportunity to become reacquainted and stay in touch with each other’s lives. Creating space for communication can help deepen your understanding of one another and the relationship itself.

It’s okay to have deep, meaningful conversations or to talk about hypothetical, silly topics. As long as you both enjoy the conversation and each other’s company, it doesn’t really matter what you’re talking about.

If you are unsure of how to get the conversation started with your partner, here are fifteen questions to ask on date night:

1. If you could relive a year in your life, what age would you choose? 
2. What is your favorite memory of us dating?
3. What’s another career you think you’d love?
4. What was your favorite date you’ve ever had with me?
5. In what ways are we the same?
6. In what ways are we different?
7. If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? 
8. What’s a question you’ve always wanted to ask me but never have?
9. In what ways have I changed since we first met?
10. Is there anything I can do to show you love better?
11. What is your favorite thing that I do in bed?
12. Am I a safe person for you to talk to? If not, how can I improve?
13. If I were to die suddenly today, what is one thing you would want me to know?
14. When did you first know you loved me?
15. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Get Creative

Everyone loves food, but the traditional dinner date routine can get old (and expensive) pretty quickly. So instead of sticking to the status quo of dinner and movie dates, keep things interesting by trying new things together.

There are few things more romantic than surprising each other with exciting, new experiences. Show your spouse just how creative you can be.

Don’t Judge the Quality of the Experience by the Price Tag

Quality romance doesn’t have to be expensive. This is a common misconception that should have no room in your marriage. It’s okay to be frugal, especially if you have kids and a budget to be mindful of.

While bouquets of roses and diamond jewelry are nice, handwritten notes may be even sweeter. “Cheap” dates can be just as fun, if not more, than expensive ones.

There are unlimited inexpensive date options for you and your spouse to enjoy together. Some “cheap” date ideas include:

• Form your own book club
  • This can be a multipart date. First, go to the bookstore or library, and pick out a book you’ve both been dying to read. Then set a time to sit down with a glass of wine and discuss your thoughts.
• Exploring a local park
• Write each other love letters
• Hit up a garage sale
• Meditate together
• Go dancing
• Visit a museum
• Volunteer together
• Play paintball
• Enjoy an at-home spa day
• Go stargazing
• Have a picnic
• Go hiking

Make Errands into Dates

Speaking of cheap dates… Have you ever heard the advice: “marry someone you can have fun with at the grocery store?” This is actually amazing advice.

Running errands together can be surprisingly fun (and inexpensive). In addition, you can pick out new foods to cook together (which can lead to another great second part of the date).

Make a game out of getting items on your list – whoever gathers the most wins. Perhaps the winner can pick the next date night activity.

Be Sexy

Some may be too shy or embarrassed to admit it, but sex is an important factor in healthy and happy marriages. Being intimate with your spouse is nothing to be ashamed of.

These happiness levels are reported to increase to a magnitude equivalent to receiving an extra $50,000 a year.

Creating time for intimacy and making your spouse feel wanted is a sure way to make your marriage thrive.

50 More Date Ideas:

1. Reenact your first date
2. Play board games
3. Learn a new hobby
4. Feed ducks at the pond
5. Play on a playground – they’re not just for kids!
6. Have a movie marathon
7. Go for a swim
8. Go for a walk together
9. Attend a free community event
10. Camp out in your backyard
11. Plan a scavenger hunt
12. Build a blanket fort and spend the night in it
13. Bake something delicious to share
14. Play one on one basketball
15. Dinner by candlelight
16. Learn a new sport
17. Play video games
18. Play charades
19. Have a Nerf gun war
20. Hike a new trail
21. Attend a high school or college play
22. Tour a museum
23. Go fishing
24. Go camping and make s’mores
25. Visit the local zoo or aquarium
26. Volunteer together in the community
27. Go roller skating
28. Exchange massages
29. Take a class together
30. Watch a movie at a drive-in movie theater
31. Stargaze at night on a rooftop
32. Watch your wedding video or look at photographs
33. Park on a hill and look out at the city lights
34. Go bird watching
35. Dream-storm together and write down your goals
36. Put together a puzzle
37. Go on a long bike ride
38. Go bowling together
39. Get your favorite team gear on and attend a sporting event
40. Go hunting or wildlife watching
41. Take a mini day trip
42. Make homemade ice cream
43. Create a time capsule
44. Enjoy a lazy day
45. Sit and people-watch in a busy place
46. Take a relaxing bubble bath together
47. Act like a tourist and tour your hometown
48. Attend a carnival or fair
49. Horseback riding
50. Plan and plant a garden

Final Thoughts

There are very few drawbacks that come from dating your spouse, but it offers countless rewards. Not only do date nights help to strengthen your emotional bond with your spouse, but date nights also provide welcomed distractions from ordinary life.

For a few hours, you get to forget about the demands of work, the responsibility of caring for your kids, social obligations, and whatever else may cause you stress. In fact, studies have shown that regularly scheduled date nights can help greatly reduce stress levels for married couples.

Committing to your partner to spend quality time with them can do wonders for your marriage. In addition, making a conscious effort to deepen your bond while having fun together can help to remind you both why you fell in love in the first place.

The best marriage advice you can follow is to make your partner a priority. Learn what having a strong marriage means to your kids.

About the author

In 1995, Gerardo Campbell married into a blended family, becoming the stepdad to his wife’s two children. In 2011, he started Support for Stepfathers to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the US. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers, and women who love them. You can follow Support for Stepdads on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, and Pinterest.