A belated Happy Birthday to the United States Navy. The Navy celebrated its 244th birthday on October 13. The US Navy describes itself as the “largest, most advanced, and most lethal fighting force the world has ever known.” You’ll find no disagreement from me.
4. Father and Son are having a conversation about joining the Navy. Dad: Son, you wanna join the navy? You can’t even swim! Son: But in the Air Force no one can fly either.
5. An admiral is standing by a candy machine when he stops a sailor walking by. “Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?” “Sure, buddy,” says the sailor, rooting around his pocket.
“That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?”
The sailor snaps to attention and barks, “No, sir!”
6. I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite. I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.
7. What do you call a dog that’s in the Navy? A sub-woofer.
8. My friend has an unhealthy obsession with Navy destroyers. He warships them.
12. When I was in the Navy, I was on the deck of a destroyer one day, and I saw the periscope of an enemy submarine surface nearby. So, quick as a flash, I whipped off my hat and dropped it over the periscope.
As the periscope was covered, the submarine didn’t realize it had reached the surface, so it kept rising and when it got to 10,000 feet, we shot it down with the anti-aircraft guns.
13. Two Army men are using the bathroom and afterward, they wash their hands. A navy man walks in does his business and is about to leave without washing his hands.
Before he can leave the army men asks didn’t they teach you to wash your hands in the Navy. The Navy man replied yes but they also taught us not to pee on our hands.
14. What happens when you eat too many Navy beans? You might end up with a dishonorable discharge.
15. The army and the navy were looking for new recruits when two boll weevil brothers showed up.
The older brother had worked in Hollywood as the go-to guy whenever an insect was needed in a movie, while the other brother had never amounted to much.
The army recruited the older brother, while the navy recruited the younger brother. That day, the navy won a battle, while the army lost a battle.
And the moral of the story is, when in the military, always go with the lesser of two weevils.
16. I’m about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes. I have to take a course in anchor management.
17. Why did the Navy captain have a hard time keeping up his insults of the island people? He had a wrecked isle diss function.
18. Just finished with bootcamp, two new sailors were talking about assignments they would like to get. Sailor 1: “Someday I’d like to ride on a submarine.” Sailor 2: “Not me! I wouldn’t set foot on any ship that sinks on purpose.
