Humor

Twenty Navy Jokes And Puns ~ Friday Humor

A belated Happy Birthday to the United States Navy. The Navy celebrated its 244th birthday on October 13. The US Navy describes itself as the “largest, most advanced, and most lethal fighting force the world has ever known.” You’ll find no disagreement from me. 

1. I wanted to join the Navy but that ship has sailed. I’ll sea myself out.
 
2. I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I now understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
 
3. You know, I thought about joining the Navy SEALs when I was younger. Then I heard people were clubbing new ones and I wimped out.

4. Father and Son are having a conversation about joining the Navy. Dad: Son, you wanna join the navy? You can’t even swim! Son: But in the Air Force no one can fly either.

5. An admiral is standing by a candy machine when he stops a sailor walking by. “Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?” “Sure, buddy,” says the sailor, rooting around his pocket.
“That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?”
The sailor snaps to attention and barks, “No, sir!”

6. I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite. I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.

7. What do you call a dog that’s in the Navy? A sub-woofer.

8. My friend has an unhealthy obsession with Navy destroyers. He warships them.

 
9. My friend the artist told me he didn’t have any cyan, azure, cobalt, navy, royal, or sapphire paint.

That was completely out of the blue.
 
10. What do a Navy Midshipman and a West Point Cadet have in common? Answer: They both got accepted to West Point.
 
11. When I was in the Navy, I was often told to go to the rear of the ship. They were stern orders.

12. When I was in the Navy, I was on the deck of a destroyer one day, and I saw the periscope of an enemy submarine surface nearby. So, quick as a flash, I whipped off my hat and dropped it over the periscope.

As the periscope was covered, the submarine didn’t realize it had reached the surface, so it kept rising and when it got to 10,000 feet, we shot it down with the anti-aircraft guns.

13. Two Army men are using the bathroom and afterward, they wash their hands. A navy man walks in does his business and is about to leave without washing his hands.

Before he can leave the army men asks didn’t they teach you to wash your hands in the Navy. The Navy man replied yes but they also taught us not to pee on our hands.

14. What happens when you eat too many Navy beans? You might end up with a dishonorable discharge.

15. The army and the navy were looking for new recruits when two boll weevil brothers showed up.

The older brother had worked in Hollywood as the go-to guy whenever an insect was needed in a movie, while the other brother had never amounted to much.

The army recruited the older brother, while the navy recruited the younger brother. That day, the navy won a battle, while the army lost a battle.

And the moral of the story is, when in the military, always go with the lesser of two weevils.

16. I’m about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes. I have to take a course in anchor management.

17. Why did the Navy captain have a hard time keeping up his insults of the island people? He had a wrecked isle diss function.

18. Just finished with bootcamp, two new sailors were talking about assignments they would like to get. Sailor 1: “Someday I’d like to ride on a submarine.” Sailor 2: “Not me! I wouldn’t set foot on any ship that sinks on purpose.

19. What did the Navy dentist’s license plate read? TOP GUM
 
20. What do you call a snail aboard a ship? A snailor.
 
Did you know the Marine Corps is a separate service branch but it doesn’t have its own department within the Department of Defense? Instead, the Marine Corps falls under the Department of the Navy. Click here to laugh at some jokes and puns about the Marine Corps.
 
If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed… If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. ~ Navy Seal Admiral Bill McRaven
 
About the author

About the author

In 1995, Gerardo Campbell married into a blended family, becoming the stepdad to his wife’s two children. In 2011, he started Support for Stepfathers to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the US. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers, and the women who love them. You can follow Support for Stepdads on Twitter and Facebook.
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