A Belated Happy Birthday to the United States Air Force. Last Friday was the 73rd birthday of the Air Force. Starting as the Army Air Corps in 1926 the Air Force became an individual branch of the military in 1947.
Wonderful memories surface and a smile come to my face as I think of my time in the Force. The Air Force paid for my education, allowed me to travel throughout Asia and Europe, and have relationships and friendships that continue to this day.
1. Why I Joined the Air Force
The Department of Defense was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question, “What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?”
A sailor said, “I’d step on it.”
A soldier said, “I’d squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I’d catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.”
An Airman said, “I’d call room service and find out why there’s a tent in my room.”
2. After almost thirty years of working hard in school, applying myself at college, and training and serving in the Air Force my application to become an Astronaut was rejected.
Turns out my mom was right, if I apply myself the sky’s the limit.
3. There was a bad accident at the Air Force base. A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two kernels.
They will surround it with armor and heavy infantry and not let anyone out of it until told to.
If you tell the Marines “Secure that building!”
They will storm the building, eliminate any resistance, and allow no one to enter it until told to.
If you tell the Navy “Secure that building!”
They will turn out the lights, close and lock all doors and windows and post a fire watch.
If you tell the Air Force “Secure that building!”
They will take out a 30-year lease with an option to buy.
Woman: I like the army and the air force, but sailors annoy me.
Sailor: Why’s that?
Woman: They just overuse nautical terminology so much. That sort of thing is really irritating.
Sailor: I guess you’re starboard about that. My ex-wife said the same thing when she port me.
10. You’re afraid of loud noises, heights, and airplanes (First Lieutenant Maggie Rudolphi)
9. For you, the thrill of flight is the little package of salted nuts (Senior Airman Lesley Toussaint)
8. In high school, you were voted “queasiest” (Tech Sergeant Andrea Knutson)
7. You don’t mind flying once you’ve had a few drinks (Master Sergeant Chuck Kramer)
6. You pass out from G-Forces incurred from riding an escalator (Tech Sergeant Josh Haney)
5. Whenever you see an “eject” lever you impulsively pull it (First Lieutenant Agnes Leam)
4. Show up to the recruiting center carrying a seatbelt extender (Chief Master Sergeant Juan Claudio)
3. Your primary reason for enlisting is “to meet Iron Man” (Lieutenant Colonel Bonnie Bossler)
2. You giggle every time you say, “cockpit” (Master Sergeant Dusty Lee)
1. Our motto, “aim high” — your motto, “I’m high” (Colonel Marcus Johnson)
David Letterman
7. Fighter pilots
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He’ll tell you.
Q: What’s the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a fighter pilot.
Q: What’s the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
Q: How many Air Force pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One…he just holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
Q. How do you know your date with the fighter pilot is half over?
A. He says, “but enough about me – wanna hear about my plane?”
8. Q. Why can’t you tell when a pterodactyl is using the bathroom?
A. Because the “p” is silent.
9. Q: What did the musician say to the air force?
A: I think we have enough air support.
10. You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?” Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base.
They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot’s story was he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.
The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy.
They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading and sent him on his way.
The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane. Only this time there were two people on the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is on the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”
