1. What the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know but the flag is a big plus.
2. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
3. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
4. Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
5. Yesterday, I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
6. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
7. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
8. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
9. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
10. Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.
11. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
12. How does Moses make tea? He brews.
13. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally.
14. How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put lox on it.
15. A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”
16. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
17. What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
18. What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
19. What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
20. What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny.
21. What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
22. What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.
23. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
24. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
25. What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thanks – I’ll never part with it!
Do you want to extend your break from the world a little longer? Click to enjoy these 26 hand-selected puns guaranteed to make you smile, and maybe even laugh out loud. Maybe even help you forget all the stress-producing circumstances in the world, if only for a few minutes.
