I’m emotionally exhausted from protests and rhetoric. I’m happy to return to bring a smile to your face. Here are some of the funniest one and a half line jokes.
1. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left me when I was a kid.
2. What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral? Nothing.
3. An attractive blonde orders a double entendre at the bar. The bartender gave it to her.
4. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
5. You can never lose a homing pigeon – if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you’ve lost is a pigeon.
6. To the handicapped man who stole my bag – you can hide but you can’t run!
7. What’s green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.
8. You know what they say about cliffhangers…
9. What happened when the strawberry attempted to cross the road? There was a traffic jam.
10. I, for one, like Roman numerals.
11. Why should you never date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
12. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea. Runs in our jeans.
13. I entered 10 puns in a pun contest hoping one pun would win, but no pun in ten did.
14. What the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
15. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
16. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey.
17. What would the Flintstones be called if they were black? The Flintstones you racist! 😛
18. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
19. Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.
20. Somebody stole my Microsoft Office and they’re going to pay. You have my Word.
21. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
22. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
23. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
24. Someone stole my mood ring, I don’t know how I feel about that.
25. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.
A young man is headed out on a blind date in San Francisco to enjoy what the city has to offer. What happens before the date will shock you.
