Humor

It’s So Hot In Arizona… ~ Friday Humor

Arizona can get crazy hot. It’s a heat you must experience to truly appreciate it. The first time I visited Phoenix I immediately felt a kinship with what a roast in oven feels.


It’s shouldn’t be a surprise the state has a town named, “Why”  Thankfully, we can still get a smile and a laugh from learning what the Arizona heat makes happen.

It’s so hot in Arizona…

  • the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
  • the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt, and pepper.
  • farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
  • the cows are giving evaporated milk.
  • the trees are whistling for the dogs.
  • you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
  • you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
  • you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
  • you can make instant sun tea.
  • you learn a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
  • the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
  • you’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
  • you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
  • you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
  • the four seasons are tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
  • you discover in July, it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
  • you discover you can get a sunburn through your car window.
  • you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
  • hot water now comes out of both taps.
  • it’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and no one is outside.
  • you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
  • you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
  • no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
  • your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
  • you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
  • a sad Arizonan once prayed, “I wish it would rain – not so much for me, cuz I’ve seen it – but for my seven-year-old.”
  • you notice your car overheating before you drive it.
  • you run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
  • you put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mailbox.
  • you can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
  • you think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.

Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself. ~ William Shakespeare

About the author

About the author

In 1995, Gerardo Campbell married his now ex-wife becoming the stepdad to her two children. In 2011, he started Support for Stepfathers to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the US. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers and the women who love them worldwide. You can follow Support for Stepdads on Twitter and Facebook.

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