Humor
Twenty-Five New Year’s Eve One Liners And Puns ~ Friday Humor
Party hats, noise makers, streamers and the promise of new beginnings all make-up New Year’s Eve. With kids in the picture their early morning wake-up call is exactly what you need after a night of partying.
These New Year’s Eve one liners and puns will have you laughing into next year.
- My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka or whiskey.
- What’s the Problem with Jogging on New Years Eve? The ice falls out of your drink!
- I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered nobody likes a quitter.
- What’s the forecast for New Years Eve? Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
- My brother’s New Year’s resolution is to move out of my parents’ house. You’d think after 49 years, he’d try another one.
- What happened to the drunk man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking.
- My New Year’s resolution is to break my New Year’s resolutions. That way I succeed at something!
- My friend asked me where I see myself in the new year. How would I know? I don’t have 2020 vision.
- My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my TV.
- An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve. One was charged and the other was let off.
- What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months!
- What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Eve.
- Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for New Year’s middle age is when you’re forced to.
- What food should you avoid on New Year’s? Fire crackers.
- May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.
- New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.
- Every year on New Year’s Eve, when everyone’s counting down the final ten seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes, so I always start the new year off on the right foot.
- I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.
- New Year? I just got used to this last one!
- Every New Year’s Day, I have the same question: “How did I get home?”
- What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day? The Times Square cleanup crew.
- Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve? To ring in the new year.
- A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
- It’s officially New Year’s Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.
- New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.
Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect. ~ Alan Cohen