1. Florida is the only state in the union where zombie-like face eating is a legitimate concern, and where a category-four hurricane is considered a mild weather condition.
2. What’s the best thing to come out of Gainesville? Interstate-75
3. What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Central Florida have in common? They both end up in trailer parks.
4. I like Florida. Everything is in the ’80s. The temperatures, the ages, and the IQ. ~ George Carlin
5. Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: “More than just a great place to die.” ~ Joan Rivers
6. What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common? Somebody’s fixin’ to lose them a trailer.
7. If you have a car containing a Seminoles wide receiver, a Seminoles linebacker, and a Seminoles defensive back, who is driving the vehicle? The cop.
8. Why do the Florida Gators eat cereal straight from the box? They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
9. What separates a good team from a great team? The Florida-Georgia border.
10. A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender: “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Sure.” “Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator.”
11. What do you call a Seminole wearing a suit? The defendant.
12. Did you hear about the power outage at the Florida State University library? Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
13. Where do pianists go for vacation? The Florida Keys.
14. Why do the University of Florida basketball players use body heat-activated deodorant? Because it’s the closest, they will come to getting a “Degree.”
15. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Florida.
16. You won’t find a Jacuzzi in Florida because if a Floridian wanted to suffocate themselves in hot steam, they would walk outside.
