Twenty-Six Hand-Selected Puns ~ Friday Humor
Is liking a groan-worthy pun a sign you’re losing your sanity? Nope, just the opposite.
Loving the wordplay of a pun could be an indicator that you have higher-than-average intelligence and are more attractive to potential mates, according to a 2011 study published in the journal Intelligence.
It also means you’re free from a lot of social insecurity. In his book, The Pun Also Rises, author John Pollack explains people who hate puns also tend to be L 7 squared (too squared).
So take a break from the world and enjoy these 26 hand-selected puns guaranteed to make you groan, and then laugh. Maybe even help you forget all the of stress-producing circumstances in the world, if only for a few minutes.
- My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
- What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? Guardians of the Galaxy!
- Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory in France? De-brie was everywhere…
- I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
- I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
- It’s really hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac. They always take things literally.
- What’s the worst thing about ancient orators? They tend to Babylon.
- My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
- A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
- A pet store had a bird contest, no perches necessary. I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself, this is the last thing I need.
- Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
- I hate insects puns; they really bug me.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
- My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
- What did the hamburger name it’s baby? Patty!
- Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants!
- One lung said to another…we be-lung together!
- What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!
- I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii!
- What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabee!
- My girlfriend thought I’d never be able to make a car out of spaghetti… You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!
- My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
- The quickest way to make antifreeze? Just steal her blanket!
- What do you do with chemists when they die? Barium!