I received the following question from a woman on Quora.
Father Or Role Model: Should my boyfriend be a father to my nine-year old son? We’ve been in a two-year relationship and do not plan to have more children.
My parents strongly feel he should be fatherly, although he has his own dad who has 40% custody. My live-in boyfriend is generally uncomfortable around children, but is friendly. He is happy to pay for our meals and often reminds my son to read books (vs play video games), drink water and eat well.
My Answer
I feel your boyfriend should focus on being a good role model for your son. Should you and your boyfriend decide to get married at that point he would become your son’s father – stepfather. Until that time his bio dad should remain the only father in his life. Considering your boyfriend as a father now could raise the consternation of your son as well as his bio dad.
Although you been together for two years as you’re probably well aware dating relationships can easily come to end. If you and your boyfriend were to break up after having been identified as “Dad” could come as the loss of another father figure for your son.
You mention your boyfriend is uncomfortable around children. What do see that makes you think he’s uncomfortable? If it’s something you sense there’s a strong possibility your son senses it too. How will or has it affected his relationship with your son?
Finally, I wanted to share with you statistics relating to the children of adults living together. They are from the article, Cohabitation – Good Idea? .
- Ten times more likely to be sexually abused by a stepparent than by a parent.
- Three times as likely to be expelled from school or to get pregnant as teenagers than children from an intact home with married parents.
- Five times more apt to live in poverty and 22 times more likely to be incarcerated.
Research also indicates cohabiting adults have greater difficulty establishing moral guidelines for their children especially when they reach dating age.
I should point out I’m only a veteran stepdad and am not a certified counselor or therapist.
What do you think of my answer? Do you agree or disagree? Please leave a Comment. Thank you.
