When you married your spouse, you made the commitment to be supportive, understanding and loving – no matter what life brings. Entering a relationship with a person who already has children can be exciting, fulfilling and challenging.
Children of all ages and abilities can throw you a curve ball. Maybe even more so if a child has special needs due to a disorder like cerebral palsy that resulted from a birth trauma or a behavioral issue that revealed itself as the child aged.
Regardless, children benefit from having parents (biological or stepparents) who are dedicated to taking any challenge head on.
Parenting Can Be A Challenge and A Celebration
Finding an ideal life mate can be quite the journey. Before you met your spouse maybe you never thought you wanted children, but through marriage you became a family of more than two.
Whether the child is a toddler or college-aged, finding your place in his or her life can be challenging, particularly if he or she has needs requiring special attention.
For instance, if your stepchild has a disability that requires a lot of assistance with personal grooming and hygiene, you may feel a bit of out of your element.
However, consider the child’s behavioral disorder that leaves your spouse feeling stressed and easily rattled. Not having the same “connection” can make it easier for you, allowing yourself to be more supportive and able to step in when needed.
If your spouse has a child that requires special attention and care, you can be a more effective stepfather by:
- Communicating: As soon as you enter a relationship or after marriage, ask your spouse what role you should take or how much you should be involved. What are your spouse’s expectations? Are you expected to give equal care or just take care of other household responsibilities?
- Honesty: Along with communication comes the need for honesty. If your spouse wants you to take care of medical care, such as administering medications or feeding with a G-tube (gastrostomy tube), be honest about how you feel. Are you nervous? Are you afraid of failure? Are you squeamish? Whatever you are feeling, be honest right away and figure something out.
- Educate Yourself: One of the best things you can do for you, your spouse and your stepchild is to learn about his or her disability or condition that requires special care. Not only will it make home life easier, but you are becoming an effective parent and solidifying the relationship between your spouse and your stepchild.
No one said becoming a parent would be easy, particularly after marrying a person with a child. There’s no magic formula, just a lot of trial and error.
Are there other ways you can be an effective stepfather to a child with special needs? Please share them in the Comments. Thank you.
