An open adoption is when the biological parents have a continuing connection to their child. In most cases, the birth parents exchange pictures and letters with their child.
In other instances, they may want to visit for birthdays and holidays. The pre-adoption agreement will determine how much involvement the birth parents will have in their child’s life.
Many prospective adoptive parents are skeptical about the idea of open adoptions. These parents believe if there is a full connection and relationship with the birth parents, there will be more drama than stability. However, there is a reason 67% of all private adoptions are labeled open adoptions.
Making a Family: The Core of it All
When it comes down to it, the purpose of an adoption is to build your family. You and your partner may have felt something was lacking in your life and wanted to adopt one or more children.
It’s a common occurrence in today’s society. The goal is to essentially complete your family. An open adoption can add so much more to your family and relationships.
When you adopt a child, you may think you’re adding one more person to your family. With an open adoption, you are really adding their immediate and extended family. As with most families, the family members of your adopted child are there to support the child.
All family members just want what’s best for their relatives. It’s no different here. Where you thought you may have struggled before, you gain the support and help of a whole new section of your family you didn’t expect. After all, you’re not a stranger to them anymore…you’re family.
It’s a common concern all of these new family members will be hard to relate to and will have an overall difficult time coping with the changes. What I’ve found is, the majority of the time, it’s been a whole lot easier than they expected. The new family was accepting of the adoptive parents and, of course, the adoptive parents were willing to accept their child’s family with open arms.
To compare it to something you may be more familiar with, it’s similar to a marriage in your family. If your brother or sister marries, you’re now the step-brother/sister of this new family member. You are likely to be supportive of this new relative because you want to support your sibling. The same goes for the birth parents’ family. They want to be supportive by any way they can.
Making the Connections
You may be ready to make the connection to your newly-formed family, and they may be ready as well, but how do you start this conversation? And how do you make that firm connection with them? Many adoptive parents ask these very questions and are nervous before their first meeting with the new family members. The answer is simple: be yourself.
It’s important to keep a few things in mind when meeting your new relatives:
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Be yourself
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Focus on the well-being of your child
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Get to know each other; don’t be afraid
As with meeting anyone for the first time, you should get to know each other. Understand their likes and dislikes and share yours as well. Keep in mind the biological genes of your child come from this family and some of their likes and dislikes could carry over.
One important topic of conversation is parenting. After you get to know each other a little bit and get to talking, it’s a good idea to ask them (if applicable) some of the stories in raising their own child. These conversations can do two things:
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It shows your interest in parenting, your concern for your child and will do whatever it takes to raise him/her the best you can.
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It brings you and your new relatives closer together on a more personal level, making the conversations, interactions and possibly even family gatherings more relaxed and fun.
The relationships you have with this family is vitally important to the child as well because your child will follow your lead in connecting with the family. If you have a strained relationship, it’s possible your child will too. On the flip side, a strong relationship can mean great opportunities and a potentially better life for your child overall.
Are you in an open adoptive relationship? Do you have advice on how to achieve a successful relationship with the birth family?
