A divorce is never a pleasant experience. Whether you still love your former spouse or you never want to see them again, ending a relationship still involves a period of emotional turmoil. What are some steps you can take to reduce the stress and turmoil your family goes through during such a tough time?
Keep in Touch With the Kids
The most important thing you can do is keep lines of 
communication open with your kids. They are going to be scared and unsure of themselves during this time. As they adjust to their new reality, having mom and dad a constant in their lives makes it a lot easier to cope.
Be sure not to change any of their previous rules as much as possible. Work with your former spouse to keep bedtimes, curfews and other standards the same. Whether they like it or not, it will help with the transition they will go through.
Provide Spousal Support
What is spousal support? You don’t want to leave your former spouse homeless or unable to pay for daily expenses. Providing spousal support can also provide for your kids both now and in the future.
Paying for food, clothes and educational expenses for your spouse and kids shows you care about their well-being. While you may not agree on everything financially, it’s important you or your former spouse isn’t forced to drastically change the lifestyle simply because of divorce.
Show Respect to Your Former Spouse
When you are near your spouse in public or have to drop your kids off at your spouse’s house or apartment, it is critical you are respectful. By showing respect, you show your kids that both of their parents care about them and can put their personal issues aside.
Overtime, it may make it possible to reconcile with your ex or at least forge a real friendship, which can make a big difference at family gatherings. This will help make sure your kids respect you both as parents as well.
If they have to constantly watch their parents argue or hear them talk badly about their former spouse, they may feel they can’t trust you or form negative feelings about their parents. Even if you don’t agree with your former spouse, it is important to always show respect.
Create a Custody Arrangement Quickly
For the sake of your children, create a custody schedule as soon as possible. This will create a sense of continuity and show you aren’t going anywhere regardless of how you feel about your former spouse.
You may need a third party to help you come to an agreement, but try to be fair to everyone involved, especially the children. It’s also important the schedule stays consistent for the sake of the children.
Get Family Counseling
If possible, it may be a good idea to have everyone in the
same room to talk about their feelings during this difficult time. Talking to a therapist may make it easier to say what is on your mind without being judgmental or having the conversation break down before it starts.
This is important to do as a family and as two adults. The kids should be able to express their feelings and concerns without fear of hurting anyone. You should also be able to talk with your former spouse about your needs and expectations.
No one wants to go through a divorce. Divorce should be considered a last resort after all efforts to save the marriage has failed. If you are going to get a divorce, make sure you keep lines of communication open and always treat others in your family with respect. This will help everyone get past this tough time and emerge on the other side stronger and well-adjusted.
Anita Ginsburg is a freelance writer from Denver, CO. She writes about finance, home and family, and business. A mother of two, she enjoys spending time with her family and reading a good book when she isn’t writing. Anita has contributed several articles in the past:
Six Life Skills to Teach Your Kids Before They Leave Home
Six Tips to Help Kids Make Wise Decisions
Five Tips to Keep Your Children Safe When Playing Sports
Please make some time to check them out.
