As children grow into teens and develop their own sense of self it can become harder to maintain a connection with them. Seems as though some days you turn around and your little one is all grown up!
While typical teenagers are somewhat quiet around adults, being actively involved and interested in your child’s life and allowing quality time together to keep lines of communication open, honest and friendly, will maintain and strengthen your parent-child connection through those difficult years and beyond.
Keep Yourself Involved in Their Lives
But not too involved! Teens crave personal space and privacy. While it’s important to know where your kids go, when they’ll be out, and who they’ll be with. Make sure you don’t ask them in an accusatory way or ask them for every single detail.
To stay in the know, find out about your teens’ lives, membership groups, hobbies, and interests through regular conversation and continued interest throughout their lives, not just once they get secretive! Chat around the dinner table or while doing activities (it’s easier to get them talking while you’re occupied with other things!).
Make quality sharing time a part of the entire family’s daily routine to strengthen connections and understanding of each individual. Just don’t make your kids feel as though they’re under constant questioning or they’ll never trust you!
Connection: Remember Your Roles are Changing
They may be your little babies, but it’s important to remember as they change, so should you. As kids grow, the roles they need you to fulfill – from a full-time caregiver to educator, chef, mentor (and everything in between!) will change with time. And by the time they become teens, they’ll be after a little more independence.
So while it’s tempting to keep up the constant caring approach, allow teens the freedom to fly the nest a little and do their own thing, or you’ll risk pushing them away. What most teens want is for their parents to be less attentive, and play more of a supportive/friend role as they make their own choices.
This signals the start of your lifelong adult friendship – it doesn’t mean they don’t need you or your guidance! Just recognize your teen needs to make their own decisions, and when they really need you, don’t worry – they’ll come right after you! After a lifetime of parenting, this can be the hardest thing in the world to do, but your long-term connection and relationship will thank you as a result!
Offer Support and Guidance through all Life’s Complications
Sometimes just you being there is all teens want. They may not always ask for answers or advice to their problems. Sometimes a sympathetic listener is all they need, but be sure you have the time for them when they do – try not brush them aside busily.
If your teens are the oldest kids in the family it can be hard to divert attention to them when they need it. By being there unconditionally and letting them know they’ll always have your support, whatever happens, you can help them face life’s situations, and keep you by their sides in trust.
Be sure to keep the communicative, attentive, and emotional connection with your kids as they grow into teens and adults, and you’ll find a lifelong bond of friendship and love as your reward.
