Above all be of single aim; have a legitimate and useful purpose, and devote yourself unreservedly to it. ~ James Allen. In ’95, when I married the Pretty Lady and became stepfather to her two children, I entered our marriage with a roll-on bag of high hopes, a backpack full of noble intentions, and my customized trunk of unrealistic expectations. Through my glasses, my world was all rosy and cheery.
We courted for almost a year, committed to and remained celibate until our honeymoon. Thanks to the wisdom of the Pretty Lady, she helped me build a reasonable rapport with her children from the times I babysat them while she attended classes.
I also made a point to ask the kids for their mother’s hand in marriage. They approved! As a future family, we participated in several family counseling sessions. During one of the sessions, we played a game requiring communication and cooperation, and the counselor said we “passed!”
I even initiated a meeting with the kid’s dad to let him know I was joining him to raise his children. I let him know I honored and respected his role and that I wasn’t trying to supplant him.
After “the Honeymoon,” I began learning firsthand why the stepfamily will never be like a nuclear family. It hit me like a linebacker the first time the Pretty Lady told me these are “my children” when we discussed something contentious about one of the kids.
I thought they were “our children,” but it seemed like they were “ours” when it comes to finances. During our marriage, I was faced with situations and circumstances where I can understand why the divorce rate is as high as nearly 70% for blended families.
Maybe most of us enter our blended relationships the way I did with high hopes, admirable intentions, and unrealistic expectations. However, you learned to love, and warm feelings are not enough during the hard times. For most of us, we decide this isn’t what we signed up for, and you want out – divorce.
Emphatically, I’m not bigger than life – I have and still struggle with negative feelings and attitudes regarding things that occurred while we were together – the Pretty Lady’s children have moved out and are successfully living on their own.
I believe the difference for me was the seriousness. I took the commitment to the covenant we made before God and our friends and family seriously.
Moreso, I strongly felt it was no coincidence I met the Pretty Lady and entered the lives of her two children. I purposed to be her husband and a stepfather to her children till death do us part.
What is Purpose?
Purpose is the original intent of a thing’s creation. It is the reason why a thing exists. Purpose is also the catalyst causing the creation of a product. The word “why?” can be substituted for purpose. It is the reason why a thing exists.
When you ask, “Why?” you are asking about the purpose of something. For example, why are you a stepparent? That is a question of purpose every stepparent must answer if you sincerely want to be successful in this role.
Not knowing your purpose is like driving cross country without a map while you may be headed in the right direction, you probably won’t be taking the best or most efficient routes. Successful stepfathers have purpose and here’s how they can step into their roles.
Reaching your destination will be problematic. I believe everything in life has a purpose, but not every purpose is known. The book “The Purpose Driven Life” is an excellent book to learn about your purpose. Click here to get a copy.
