Months ago, I spoke with an acquaintance, and the subject of my website, Support for Stepdads, came up. I told her the site is a resource for blended families.
“What are blended families?” she asked. “Are they families with members from different races?”
I was surprised since I thought everyone knew what a blended/stepfamily is. Yet, I could understand the reasoning behind her answer.
I proceeded to explain a blended or stepfamily. Suspecting that others may have a misunderstanding, I decided to write this article.
Statistics of Blended Family
With the rising divorce rate in the U.S. and the rest of the world, the number of blended families increases. Statistics indicate over 40 percent of first marriages and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
About 65 percent of remarriages involve children from a previous marriage and form a blended family. While there’s a general perception most blended families will inevitably fail, this doesn’t have to be the case.
It’s important to understand the blended family, the challenges that may arise from this unique family structure, and how to make it successful.
What is a Blended Family?
A blended family consists of a couple, children they had from previous marriages or unions, and sometimes children from the current marriage. Although it can be frustrating to make a blended family work, it is achievable.
The family members will need to be significantly committed to make it work. The good news is that the blended/stepfamily is the family of the new millennium, so several resources are available to help you combat these challenges.
People who marry for the second time are likely to get divorced again. However, blended family members are beginning to equip themselves with the necessary tools to make the marriage sustainable.
The truth about blended families is that, like everything else, it comes with its fair share of problems. Bringing two families together under one roof presents challenges for both the children and parents.
Nonetheless, it’s said to be forewarned is to be forearmed. Understanding the difficulties that could arise from having a blended family prepares you and gives you a better chance at making it a success.
How you equip yourself to handle these challenges will also determine the success or failure of your blended family. Read on to learn what these challenges can be and how to solve them.
Stepparent Discipline
The easiest way to avoid this problem is for both parents to always be on the same page. Show a united front irrespective of whose child needs discipline.
When both parents are united in administering discipline, it doesn’t matter who issues the punishment. The child understands they will be punished regardless.
When children see both parent’s unity, it’s unlikely they will try to be manipulative or begin to resent the parent who gives the punishment.
Setting ground rules and consequences for breaking the rules makes it more accessible. This way, any child who needs to be punished gets the same punishment already set for that offense.
The children will begin to understand the punishment is a consequence of bad behavior and not because the stepparent is mean. Understandably, you may have had different rules for discipline from your previous marriage, but it’s vital to set new rules as early as possible.
Always be on the same page with your spouse about parenting your children and stepchildren. Another way to overcome this challenge is for stepparents to take things slow.
Proceed with caution in the area of parenting and discipline. Don’t be too quick to become the disciplinarian, if at all.
Sibling Rivalry and Competing for Attention
It’s widespread to find sibling rivalry among stepbrothers and stepsisters. It might take time to eliminate competition between stepsiblings, but it’s doable.
Resentment can build up among stepsiblings because they have to share their biological parent with another child or children. Some bitterness can also result from the breakup of their original nuclear family.
Ultimately, the biological parent has to step in to reassure the child. Most sibling rivalry is born out of competition and insecurity.
Reassure your children about their new stepbrother or sister. More importantly, let them know your love for them hasn’t diminished.
Soon, they will feel less competitive for parental love with their stepsiblings. Don’t neglect your biological children.
Make time for them, knowing their fragile emotions, especially at the beginning of your new union.
Listen to their fears and concerns and assure them they won’t be replaced. Don’t be quick to leave parenting to the new stepparent to avoid feelings of abandonment and resentment.
Maintaining Stability and Balance
Your previous marriage may have ended in divorce, and you have moved on to a new relationship. Remember, it’s not your child’s fault, and they shouldn’t suffer for the failure of your marriage.
Allow the other biological parent access to your children as often as possible. In cases where the parent is not interested in remaining in your child’s life, you should support your child or children.
Leave communication lines open with your ex, and be civil to the children you share. Avoid unresolved drama with your ex, which may affect your child and your new family.
They continued the activities your children enjoyed before your new marriage will maintain stability. Please make time to listen to their concerns and fears.
Give them time to get to know your partner and their children. It may not happen immediately, but eventually, they will come around.
Your children’s and stepchildren’s mental well-being should not be compromised. If the children are unhappy, it can break the blended family’s foundation.
According to a recent study, children from a previous marriage are among the top three reasons why marriages end in divorce.
So, as a parent or stepparent, do everything you can to ensure the kids in your blended family are happy and stable.
Financial Challenges
Blending your finances with a man or woman who was previously married may cause some financial hardship. It’s listed as the top reason why blended families end in divorce.
First of all, your family size most likely would have increased. As a result, the cost of living is likely to go up.
You may need a bigger home or car, more money for education, or even holidays. The cost of living will likely go up with more mouths to feed.
Child support payments further reduce the available resources. Managing finance in a blended family is not the same as managing finance in an average nuclear family.
Both spouses should agree on how to handle their finances. While one method may work for one couple, it may fail another.
However, being open, planning, and having an agreement that benefits all can help your family find financial stability.
Conclusion
Like any family, blended families have their fair share of problems. Understanding the issues that may arise and nipping them in the bud could save your family.
It’s your job as a couple to make your family work. Give your children time to find stability and freedom in their new environment.
Finally, show a united front as a couple and let parenting be a joint effort. Be open with each other about your financial obligations and plans without neglecting resources that can help you function successfully as a family.
