It’s a rewarding experience to father a child, yes, even by default! “Stepdads” are new roles in the family dynamic and ever changing family structure. Needless to say, there’s no standard operating procedure on how to be a good stepdad.
Many men may have the notion they will one day marry and raise their own children; this at least gives them some time to prepare. However, this isn’t always the case. Stepdads fall into the role rather quickly and are expected to step up and adapt to this challenging new role.
Fear not stepdads! Here are a few tips on making this work out successfully for all parties involved. Keep in mind all situations are different. This advice is based on general consensus.
Defining Expectations
Becoming someone’s “parent” overnight can be emotional and confusing for everyone. Divorce is never easy on children, and custody disputes can add to the stress. As everyone struggles to adapt to their new roles in the new family dynamic, it’s important to be supportive and patient.
In order to create meaningful relationship, as with any relationship, it will take time, effort and shared experiences.
Parent Relationships and Communication
Supporting your stepchild’s relationship with the parent no longer in the home can sometimes be the cause of jealousy. It may feel similar to supporting the parent’s relationship with their former spouse. Don’t let those feelings get in the way.
Ultimately, you must learn to put the child’s best interest first. Establishing good communication with all parties will help you overcome any resentment, as well as to reduce any resentment the biological parent may hold towards you.
Discipline
This will vary depending on the age of the children, and of course, the situation. Unless you’re introduced to your stepchildren at a very young age, it’s the general consensus a stepdad shouldn’t be a direct disciplinarian.
Disciplining your non-biological children can cause resentment in some cases with your spouse and especially your stepchildren. However, it’s extremely important you maintain the position of active supporter of the biological parent’s disciplinary efforts.
It should also be understood by the children that although a stepdad usually does not initiate direct discipline, he is still an adult and an authority figure. This demands respect and acknowledgment from the stepchildren.
Candid Discussions
If you don’t like the way something in the parent-child relationship is going, make sure to be clear as to why you are having an issue with it.
If you want something in specific to change, then you must ask for it specifically.
This is why open communication with the child’s biological parent is so important. If you establish clear and open communication from the start, everyone will benefit and understand their roles more clearly.
Although challenging, being a parent under any circumstance is an extremely rewarding experience. Make sure to remember why you took on this role in the first place and re-affirm your love to your spouse. Knowing you have each other for support will help buffer against any turbulence that may occur with your stepchildren.
Learn six tips for being the greatest stepparent you can be.
