Tip to Be a Great Husband ~ Who’s First?

Who’s first?  Who’s second?  Your answers to these questions and more importantly how your well your actions support your answers will influence the success of your blended family marriage.  If you are a believer, your relationship with God is first.  After your relationship with God, your marriage, that is your wife should come second.  In previous posts, I’ve emphasized how your marriage should come first especially within the blended family. 

Many biological parents find it very difficult to put their second spouse first.  They feel their children should come first especially if the spouse is parenting from guilt as a result of their divorce.  A spouse may further justify their priorities by concluding, “He knew I had children when he married me.”   If this is your challenge I suggest seeing a competent marriage and family therapist. 

Benefits of Putting your Marriage First

Long-Term Stability

• Best way to achieve it for both the marriage and children.
• Avoids negative emotions from you.
• Reduces children’s anxiety about going through another divorce.

Modeling Healthy Marriage

• Children will eventually leave home, enter into their own relationships and marriage.
• Putting your marriage first provides the children with healthy modelling for their eventual marriage.
  

Before the Marriage

• Spouses
  

• Talk with children regarding your need to make time for their marriage and new husband.
• Help them to understand the importance of prioritizing the new relationship. 
  
• Emphasize your love and that you will continue to receive their attention and make time for them. 
  

• Husbands

• We need to be honest with ourselves and agree we want our spouse all to ourselves. 
  
• Rather than stuff feelings of jealousy and even resentment of our spouses relationship with their children it is better to get them out in the open and discuss them with your wife. 

Ways to Put Your Spouse First

• Wife Before Mom.   After you’re married your wife is now the main woman in your life.  Of course, you still love and respect your mom, but there should be no question by either your wife or mom as to who is your first priority.
• Always Be on Her Side.  Unless it’s a life or death situation or a major violation of your values, do not publicly disagree with your wife especially if your family, friends or children are present.  To publicly disagree with your wife invites a life or death situation – your own.  😛
• Keep it Positive.  Praise and brag about your wife in public.  Let everyone know how much you love her especially your female associates.  Don’t talk negatively about your wife to others which includes your side of the family, friends and children.
• Listen.  Find some time each day to have meaningful conversations with your wife.  Do it after your children have gone to bed.  Turn off the TV, computer or whatever could distract you on listening to your wife.  Ask about what she did during the day.  Listen to her problems and concerns.
  
• Help.  Help around the house.  Share the household responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, helping the kids with their homework) with her.
• Date.  Have a weekly “date night.”  Allow nothing to cancel or postpone your time together.
  
• Remember Your Vows.  Remaining faithful to your wedding vows by “forsaking all others” is probably the most important way of putting your wife first.  It is important for us to have “battle plan” in place to resist avenues of temptation before we’re actually confronted with it.  

This battle plan should especially address your weaknesses so you can act instead of react.  Count the emotional and physical cost of infidelity:  betrayal and lost of trust of your wife, the damage to your stepchildren and your own, the possibility of divorce, the cost of counseling, etc.

The over 60% divorce rate for blended families is enough proof, successful remarriages don’t just happen.  As husbands, we have to be intentional and willing to put in the effort to make your wife your first priority.  You have to balance the forces that will naturally draw you and your wife apart: careers, children, your buds and/or hobbies.  Please rate this post using the stars and/or thumbs below.  Thank you.