Anger is a manifestation of a deeper issue… and that, for me, is based on insecurity, self-esteem and loneliness.
~ Naomi Campbell
There was time when this striking international beauty was receiving as much attention for her angry rages as her supermodel career. In 2000, she pled guilty to assaulting a personal assistant; accused of assaulting another assistant in 2005, sentenced to community service in 2007 for attacking a maid and in 2008, pled guilty to attacking security officers at London’s Heathrow airport.
Like the warning lights on your cars’ dashboard, our anger serves as a warning there is something going on inside us that needs attention before it gets critical. Clinically, anger is described as an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. It is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when we get angry, our heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones: adrenaline and noradrenalin.
A Few Facts About Anger
- Normal. It is a normal emotion we feel when something unjust has happened to us, or when someone has let us down or hurt us regardless of whether it was deliberate or not.
- Feeling vs. Expression. Feeling angry is not the same as expressing anger. The expression of anger is a choice. Again, to feel anger is norm, however, to express it in a way harmful to you and/or others is a problem.
- Unresolved Anger. Unresolved anger is a problem in that it festers eventually leading to bitterness and unforgiveness.
Ways to Deal with Anger
- Listening. If possible, speak with your offender listening carefully to get an understanding from their perspective.
- Was there a misunderstanding?
- Was the person who made you mad trying to do something wrong or did you misinterpret what happened?
By adopting another person’s point of view you may find you’re mad for no reason. Go to someone you can vent with – they may be able to share a different perspective.
- Slow Down. For example, count to twenty, not ten, before saying anything. Slow yourself down by mentally challenging yourself before unleashing your anger on others. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What’s the source of your irritation?
- How angry are you?
- What’s the other person’s actual role in the situation?
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes to see how you would want to be treated if the other person felt as you do. Write out a response to a problem before tackling it orally or in debate.
- Get Away. If all else fails you should probably walk away for a period of time before discussing sensitive issues that may provoke your anger. Go to another room, go on a drive (outside of commuting hours), workout or go for a long walk where you can yell, scream, vent and talk to yourself. When you feel you are calm, you can return to the scene.
When we see the warning light of anger on our dashboard, don’t ignore, react in despair or pull back in guilt. Get help in dealing with the issues under the hood. Solomon, the wisest king that ever lived wrote,
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city… A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression.”
The issue is not our anger but how much our anger controls us. Being slow to anger is a mark of strength, self mastery and leadership. Self control brings more leadership and success than being able to capture a city. Control your anger do not allow your anger to control you. Remember you are as big as the things that make you angry. Send this post to your favorite social media using the buttons below.
