Because teens are older, more aware and possibly more cynical, they may be more challenging to connect with than a younger child. After all, not every teenage boy wants to engage in father-and-son bonding activities with a stepdad if he already has a dad he adores.
However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make an effort. If you consistently demonstrate you’re interested in having a relationship with your new teen stepchildren while supporting and respecting any relationship they have with their biodad, the children should eventually come to accept you as someone they enjoy having in their lives.
Here are six ways you can connect with your teen stepchildren:
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Give Them Their Space
Although you might want to be present as much as you can in your teen stepchildren’s daily lives, it’s wise to give them their space periodically. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to develop a relationship.
It just means you don’t have to be working on it 24/7. Most teens like to have alone time, so if they go in their rooms and shut the door, try not to interrupt.
A side benefit of this approach is they might be more willing to interact with you if they have a break now and then.
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Always Facilitate Visitation — Never Complicate It
When parents divorce and dad moves out, it causes an emotional disruption in the teen’s lives. One minute their dad is living in the same home with them, and the next he’s living somewhere else, which results in visits having to be arranged.
Unless there’s some legal issue preventing the dad from seeing his kids, you can count on him having child visitation rights.
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Treat Them as Family Members, Not Guests
Instead, you need to demonstrate everyone should work together as a team to get things done.
Find out what the teen’s routines are and work to keep those in play. Expect them to continue taking care of responsibilities and chores just as they did prior to you becoming their stepdad.
Also be willing to review homework or drive them to sports practice.
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Get Their Input on What They’d Like to Call You
Again, it depends on the age of the children and their relationship with their bio parents as to how they’ll react to your presence in their daily lives. To start forming a relationship, you can discuss with your stepchildren about how they want to refer to you.
Some teen stepkids will want to call you by your first name. Others might have no problem referring to you as Dad. Just make sure and get their input and listen to their feelings.
As your stepchildren become more comfortable and your role in their lives progresses, they might decide to change what they call you.
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Give Them Reason to Trust You
Once you’re living in the same household, your teen stepchildren will have a chance to observe what you say and do and will probably compare your actions to those of their biodad. It’s important to build trust by being honest and following through with things you say you are going to do.
For example, if you tell the teens you’ll take them out for pizza after school, make sure you do it. Otherwise, they’ll probably view you as someone who doesn’t keep his promises.
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Be Open to Their Interests
Even though teens may hide their true feelings, nothing is quite as flattering than when an adult seems interested in activities they enjoy. For example, if your stepchild has a hobby you know nothing or very little about, take the opportunity to learn about it from him by asking questions or watching him in action.
You can also talk about any hobbies or interests you have, which can spark your teen stepchildren’s interest and possibly create an opportunity for you to introduce something new to them.
Showing respect, keeping routines in play, acting in a trustworthy manner and demonstrating interest are all ways you can connect with your new teen stepchildren. As long as you are consistent in your actions and allow the children to get to know you at their own pace, you can build a strong foundation with them that can last a lifetime.
