I’ve been together with my girlfriend for almost four years now. We decided to move in together eight months ago and merge our families.
I have two daughters, a ten-year-old and a seven-year-old, from the previous marriage, and she has two kids of her own: a 15-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son. If you have a relationship with someone who has teenagers from previous commitments, you know that often things can get a little complicated.
During these eight months of living together, I have learned that you need to walk the walk if you want to earn a teenager’s trust and cooperation. Here’s how to build a strong bond with your teen stepkids.
1. Meaningful Communication: No Small Talk
In my experience, establishing trust and cooperation with teenagers, especially if they’re not yours, requires careful communication. I’ve found that focusing on important matters and staying away from casual small talk garners their attention and interest. Teenagers often struggle with boundaries, so this approach helps maintain a level of mutual respect while acknowledging their independence. I don’t talk much, so it must be important when I do.
2. Give and Share: Give Without Expecting Anything in Return
Actively participating in their lives by offering support, whether through cooking meals, helping when in need, or even providing opportunities to earn cash, goes a long way. It’s important to give first before asking for help or assistance. This approach creates a sense of mutual responsibility and reinforces the idea that we’re a team. I give a bunch of small gestures and ask for one big thing in return: RESPECT.
3. Inclusion and Acceptance: Treat me How you Want to be Treated
Teenagers want to feel valued and accepted in their family, especially in a newly formed family. Treating my partner’s children as I do my own, whether by providing support or demanding accountability, ensures they don’t feel left out or discriminated against. By involving them in family activities and decisions, I emphasize their role in our blended family, fostering a sense of belonging. Treat me the same way you want to be treated.
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