Have you felt like communication is an area of growth between yourself and your family? Juggling a health partnership while being a positive role model for your children can be a lot to take on, but many conflicts can be prevented by expressing needs and desires.
If you’re not familiar with these concepts, it’s essential to understand their differences. Here’s what you need to know about needs and desires and how to express them healthily.
Needs vs. Desires
Although they have very similar definitions, needs and desires are different. This concept is separate from “wants vs. needs,” which revolve around physical objects and everyday tasks.
By contrast, needs and desires reflect emotions and what we request from others. The concepts can coincide, but desires can be a little more than wanting certain things.
More specifically, desires are things we think we need. One might describe certain interests with words like “could,” “wish,” or “would.” This makes them easier to identify since they’re projected possibilities for the future.
It’s generally simpler to imagine these outcomes since they represent ourselves at the highest satisfaction level. Even so, desires can make it much more difficult to express your needs.
Needs tend to be described with words like “should,” “must,” and “want.” this is because these tend to revolve around the present moment. When these immediately impact our current emotions and feelings, it’s much harder to verbalize them.
Differentiating Between Needs and Desires
Generally speaking, many people see needs and desires as the same. They are somewhat different concepts that need to be addressed in separate ways. After all, most everyday actions are based on needs instead of desires.
However, this isn’t to say that desires aren’t necessary. They have to be differentiated from needs. To be clear, you should determine your desires. Desires help us figure out what we’d like for ourselves in the future.
However, figuring out our needs is essential before achieving those ambitions. In other words, needs must be identified first before achieving our desires.
The Importance of Emotional Expression
Emotions are a necessary element of our everyday lives. They’re the reasons why we often associate certain memories with various senses. Emotions can also be why we make regrettable decisions, such as yelling at a family member.
We may also shove these feelings away until they come out at inconvenient times. Thankfully, there are better alternatives to feeling your emotions. Emotional expression is acknowledging a feeling and accepting it as true.
While there are outward means of expressing these emotions, they can also be internal messages. You can use accepting phrases such as “I’m feeling angry right now, and that’s okay!” This can help you identify your needs and express them to others healthily.
Expressing Your Needs and Desires
Speaking of expressing your needs and desires, it’s important to understand how to communicate these feelings so others can support you. That’s essentially what expressing needs and desires is – communicating.
Whether it has to do with your partnership or between your children, learning how to communicate will make all your relationships healthier. After all, expressing needs and desires is the biggest form of respect you can provide in any relationship.
Remember that it’s not about anyone being wrong or right, but rather what you need to be successful in the present moment. For example, try to incorporate your feelings into the conversation instead of using accusatory language.
How to Begin the Conversation
Having thoughtful, respectful, and needs-based conversations can be challenging to master. However, start small if you’d like a guide to civilly starting conversations.
Feel free to follow a series of steps until you feel comfortable making it an everyday practice. When beginning the conversation, center it around the need you’re attempting to express.
To start, state a precise observation, such as “from my perspective, I notice that you tend to look at your phone when I’m talking to you.” From there, incorporate your feelings without blaming the other person: “when you’re looking at your phone while I’m talking to you, it makes me feel unimportant.”
This is where you can begin to state your need. “When I feel unimportant, I need direct eye contact to confirm that you’re listening.” If you feel it’s necessary, you may add a request like “can you, please put your phone down while we’re talking?”
There’re many lessons a father must instill in his children regardless of the family being connected by blood or blends. The role of the father remains consistent. Here is a quick guide for fathers to help their kids gain self-confidence.
