Processionary caterpillars travel in long lines, one behind the other, following their leader through the trees linked head to tail in one great chain, devouring plant life as they march. The French naturalist Jean Henri Fabre once led a group of these caterpillars onto the rim of a large flowerpot, so the leader of the procession found himself nose to tail with the last caterpillar in the procession, forming a circle without end or beginning.
Although there was plenty of greenery within inches of the rim, through the powerful force of habit, the caterpillars went mindlessly round and round the edge of the flowerpot for seven days and seven nights until they died of starvation.
Are you behaving like the caterpillars locked into deeply established habits and ways of thinking because it seems more accessible and more familiar to follow them than to cope with change, even when that change may represent freedom and success?
Fortunately, you are not a caterpillar. Habits and patterns of behavior are not set in concrete any more than the pattern of the caterpillars’ march was unchangeable. By moving the caterpillars, Fabre could change their march from the tree to the flowerpot.
The caterpillars continued their procession, barely missing a step. Your challenge is occasionally stepping out of the line and checking to see if the cable is headed where you want to go. If it’s not, it’s probably time for a course correction.
Are you marching in the wrong direction in your blended family relationships? As stepfathers, the stakes are too high to be moving in the wrong direction. The blended marriage divorce rate is approximately 67% and 73% for third marriages. Here’s how stepdads can take the lead by recognizing unhealthy relationships.
Elements of a Healthy Relationship
- Respect
- Accepting personal responsibility for one’s behavior
- Allowing others to bear the consequences of their behavior
- Caring without enabling
A relationship missing any of these elements is dysfunctional. Just as it takes two to tango, it takes two to create a malfunctioning relationship, and while it takes two to make a dysfunctional relationship, it only takes one to change it.
This is when you step out of line and take an outsider’s view of your relationship to get a new perspective. Get the book Living Successfully with Screwed-Up People by Elizabeth Brown. This book will show you how to determine:
- Key indicators of a healthy relationship
- Signs of a dysfunctional relationship
- Ways to judge who is responsible for what part of the malfunctioning
- Healthy ways to cope and change
So, if you need to change the direction of your relationship, remember that breaking an old habit isn’t the end of the road. It’s just a bend. And falling isn’t failing unless you don’t get up.
Read more great tips on being a good stepdad in the Archive: How to Be a Good Stepdad.
