Humor

Jokes And Puns About Law Enforcement

The majority of us have a general idea of what to expect when we go to our jobs. However, this isn’t always the case with law enforcement professionals.


The high-stress demands of law enforcement work weigh heavily on officers’ morale and health, contributing to alcohol and drug abuse. Law enforcement professionals pay a high-price to serve and protect us. Thank you for your commitment to our safety and protection. 

Have you ever wonder how police officers got associated with donuts?

Typically, police officers’ work requires shift work. In addition to the day shift, officers also work swing and midnight shifts. The available food options during these times haven’t always been numerous.

The choice to get a donut date to the years after World War II. Cops working graveyards in the 1940s and 1950s had few choices. They could pack a lunch, hope for an all-night diner on their beat, or load up on doughnuts. Donuts were convenient and considered cheap.

Since officers aren’t supposed to accept any gifts while on duty, it makes sense they’d decide to spend their own food money on something affordable. As the late-night food choices expanded, police were able to eat other food, but as you’ll see in the following video the joke stuck.

  1. What are the four food groups for cops? Jelly, powdered, glazed, and chocolate frosted.
  2. Officer stops a man for speeding— notices he’s not wearing his required prescription glasses. Officer says, “I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses.” The driver says, “Officer, I have contacts.” Officer says, “I don’t care who you know, you’re still getting a ticket.
  3. The perfect crime was committed last night. Someone broke into the police station and stole all the toilets. Police say they have nothing to go on.
  4. The energizer bunny was recently arrested. He was charged with battery.
  5. Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in a bad neighborhood? One was assaulted.
  6. An officer comes upon a man clearly under the influence of some illegal substance. He says to the man, “We’re going to have to give you a drug test.” Without hesitation, the man replies, “Cool, which drugs are we testing?”
  7. Officer: “I notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” Driver: “I noticed your eyes are glazed over. Have you been eating donuts?”
  8. An officer sees a man exit a bar at closing time and gets into his car. After observing some erratic driving, he pulls the man over. The officer asks the driver, “Where are you going at this time of night?” The man replies, “I’m on my way to attend a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.” The officer then asks, “Who would be giving that kind of lecture at this time of night?” The man says, “My wife.”
  9. What are the four food groups for cops? Jelly, powdered, glazed, and chocolate frosted.
  10. When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk the officer out of giving him a ticket.
    He inquired, “Would it make a difference if I told you I’m in the Air Force?” The police officer answered, “Yes, but only if you were driving an airplane.”
  11. Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp? He got a very light sentence.
  12. Did you hear the celery got arrested? They charged him with stalking.
  13. Officer: “Why did you park here?” Me: “The sign says, ‘Fine for parking.’”
  14. Officer: “Do you know how fast you were going?” Driver: “Sorry, Officer. I was just trying to catch up with traffic.” Officer: “There’s no traffic. This highway is completely empty.” Driver: “That’s what I’m telling you — I’m really far behind.”

“I shall pass this way but once; any good that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being; let me do it now.” ~ Etienne de Grellet.

About the author

About the author

In 1995, Gerardo Campbell married his now ex-wife becoming the stepdad to her two children. In 2011, he started Support for Stepfathers to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the US. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers, and the women who love them worldwide. You can follow Support for Stepdads on Twitter and Facebook.

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