Naturally, getting back into the dating game after an extended absence seems daunting. When you’re also a single parent contemplating the idea of dating for the first time after your divorce, the intimidation doubles.
All kinds of questions are bound to pop up in your head –
- How are my kids going to react?
- What should I expect?
- What if I’m not ready?
Take a deep breath. When you’re ready for it, dating is a fun and positive experience, a new chapter in your life you can unveil with emotional maturity.
To help you out and make it easier to decide on your own whether you’re ready or not, I’ve listed here the seven signs which show you’re prepared to date as a single parent.
You can Find the Time
Maybe time is just an excuse for you to put off dating for when it feels less scary – but maybe you really don’t have the time. Think about this well.
Of course, you’re not going to let dating come between you and your time with the kids. You also don’t want it to replace all your other activities and your precious alone time or your time with friends – that’s not healthy at all.
In short, it’s a balancing act. Being aware of this, along with having a plan for it is the first hint of readiness.
If you want to get back in the dating pool, you’re going to need to cram it into your schedule and rely on help from friends, family, and babysitters.
You Don’t feel Guilty (and you’re cool with who you are)
I’ll say it once again – dating is a positive experience. Moreover, when you’re ready for it, you associate it with positive feelings (a bit of nervous enthusiasm and intimidation is normal).
There’s a difference between forcing yourself to do something just for the sake of it as opposed to feeling intimidated or cautious, which is natural when you’re stepping into unfamiliar waters.
The most common issue with single parents is they’re afraid of how their children will react or feeling guilty for wanting to date in the first place. However, when you’re truly emotionally ready and know you have made the decision responsibly, there are no feelings of guilt towards anyone – not your children, not your ex, not your dates.
You’re Comfortable with the Fact that Dating is Going to be Different
Dating will be different from the last time you’ve dated, and this might be the weirdest part. Not only do you have kids to consider, but both you and the dating scene have changed.
When you declare yourself ready to get back in the game, you’re going to want to choose between online dating sites and set up your profile on one of them. This will probably quite be different from how you used to date in your twenties.
If you feel comfortable with this new dating landscape, the unfamiliarity becomes not only easier to deal with but very exciting too.
You don’t make generalizations based on your negative experience
You’ve let go. You understand there were positive aspects of your marriage as well as negative ones.
They were all your unique experience. You don’t think all men are a certain way or all women are a certain way.
You’re not going to project these thoughts on your date. When you pass the generalization phase and stop connecting everything to your past negative experiences, you know you’re ready to give someone a chance.
You can get through the First Date without Mentioning your Ex
Here’s yet another sign of having let go and genuinely being ready to meet someone new – and believe me, it can be difficult. After all, your ex is the last person you’ve dated.
When you’re mentioning your kids, it might be super hard not to slip in a word or two about their other parent.
However, when enough time has passed since the divorce, you begin to think differently. Moreso, you’ll have things to talk about on the first date which don’t include your ex.
You Know your Boundaries
This is crucial, and it regards not only yours but your children’s boundaries too. You have them clear in your head, and you’re not going to compromise yourself or your children by overstepping them.
For example, most parents don’t want their dates to spend the night when the kids are at home. This is a clear boundary/rule which, no matter how much you fall in love or how much they insist, you won’t allow being pushed.
You don’t Expect Dating to Fulfill all your Needs
You know you’re ready for dating when you’re not expecting it to feel a void. To be ready, you need to be able to rely on yourself, to understand your needs and desires fully and in which ways you can fulfill them.
Otherwise, you might get into dating with unrealistic expectations that it will fix everything in your life and seek desperately for the person who promises it all – which can’t exist. If you don’t feel like all these signs speak to where you are right now, don’t fret.
You can put dating off for a little later until you feel more comfortable with it and you’re more ready to communicate with your children about it. At some point, it’s going to be a leap, but you’ll know that the leap feels right.
If it seems like you’re at that place now – great, go for it!
Fellas if you’re thinking about dating a single mom. Here are some things to consider.
